What Should Wii Do? Video Games and Rule Setting

Recently my 8 year old son invited a friend over to play. The friend noticed we have a Wii and asked his mom if it was okay to play Guitar Hero III. Before I could answer, his mom said, "I don't think so. Unless you only play at level 1." Admittedly this is the first time I had heard there was any issue with Guitar Hero. So I asked the mom about her concern. She informed me that Guitar Hero has songs with "Bad words." Really? I consider myself fairly informed about music and none of the songs had struck me as something I would not listen to if my 8 year old were in the room with me. I had read the Common Sense Media review of the game which indicated the organization recommended ages 11 and up, but the other adult reviews of the game seemed to recommend ages 8 and up. The game is rated "T" for Teen, which I hadn't realized since almost everyone I know who has a Guitar Hero game has children 8 and up. I just didn't look at the box. Lesson learned. But...

Given that the reviewers don't live with our family, when the game arrived at our house(thank you Activision for the sweet hook up!),I picked up the guitar and played. Just like yesterday. I got down on my knees and prayed...Actually I just played the game and realized a couple of things:

1. I really suck at Guitar Hero.

2. The songs didn't offend me.

3. Any songs with questionable lyrics would be more of an issue for my 12 year old who would actually understand them than for my 8 year old who most likely would not be able to put them into context. The 8 year old thinks , and I know because I asked, that "Talk Dirty To Me" means you are "telling someone they have dirt on their face or something like that."

But maybe this other 8 year old is more precocious than mine. Maybe there are other reasons to which I am not privy for this parent's ixnay on the game. Had the parent not expressed her wishes in front of me, I probably would have allowed the kids to play Guitar Hero III, but if her kid isn't allowed, then it's not a big deal for me to respect her wishes. After all, when my son goes to her house, she knows he isn't allowed to be on trampolines and she respects our wishes too. (Note: I do not expect anyone else to enforce our family's rules. Realistically what happens at the homes of others isn't going to be in our control, so my focus is on making sure our kids know our expectations of them when they aren't in our own home. We'll expand on this in a later post this month. It's a hot topic among parents, and a confusing one too.)

This situation brought forth a memory from my own childhood. I was riding in with my mother in our Datsun F-10 station wagon circa 1976. The Rod Stewart song "Tonight's The Night" plays on the radio. I am contentedly singing along only to be interrupted by my mother asking me, "Do you know what the word virgin means?" Huh? What? Word? Virgin? Huh? I remember feeling utterly baffled. Didn't know what the hell she was asking me or even why she was asking it. Probably didn't help much either that I thought she asked me about the word "version" Unfortunately my mother didn't wait for me to answer her question and instead went into a sex ed monologue about "a woman who hasn't had sexual intercourse." Huh? What? Intercourse? Huh?

Moral of the story? Just because your kids are hearing it, doesn't mean they understand it or need to have it explained. This is different than monitoring what your kids are exposed to and knowing what they are listening to. It is really tough to figure out sometimes when our kids need to know more from us or need more information. Instead of assuming kids hear what we hear, ask some questions to determine if the awareness is even there, then WAIT for them to answer. That seems to be a tough part for many parents because just in the asking of the question the anxiety seems to bubble up about because we know we may actually have to engage in a conversation which may not be very easy or comfortable.

Which brings us to another component, which is your offspring may not need an answer immediately. It is a teachable moment in and of itself when you say "I don't know, let me find out." It is absolutely okay to tell your child, "We can talk about this, but I need some time to think about it and get more information." In saying something like this you are A)Letting them know you will address it. B)Letting them know it's preferable to be prepared and knowledgeable than bullshit your way through.

We're also big fans of legalizing and regulating. So with this in mind, I will share with you my own family's Wii Rules. Our kids decided to call the Wii "The Herd." This emerged from their affection for the film Ice Age and the reference in the film to "We're a weird herd." Hey, it makes sense to them, so I figured all the better for them to help develop rules for their own herd.

Wii Harmonii For The Herd

1. The Herd belongs to EVERYONE in our familii. Wii are sharing The Herd.

2. The Herd will bii left alone on wiikday mornings while school is in session.

3. The Herd will not be used prior to 8AM on anii morning. EVER.

4. When wii spend time with The Herd wii will be polite to each other. YELLING, ARGUING, HITTING AND/OR FIGHTING AREN’T ALLOWED.

5. The Herd may be used on school night’s onlii with permission from a parent.

6. The Herd’s controllers will bii treated respectfullii. This means wearing the wristbands and using the controllers gentlii and with care.

7. Anii breaking and/or ignoring of the above rules will result in BANISHMENT from The Herd. Sii a parent for details.

8. The Herd is for FUN!

As kids get older or technology changes the rules also change. But rules need not be onerous to be taken seriously.

It's Been Forever

OK, it happens each time I go to these things. I meet lots of incredible bloggers and I tell myself I will post more often! BlogHer was, what, like 6 weeks ago now. I know I should post more. Believe me, I have ideas on a daily basis - at least. I just can't seem to sit still long enough to get them typed. I get to the computer and check my mail (1st mistake), after sorting through the garbage and the good stuff, I usually pop on over to Facebook (2nd HUGE mistake). About an hour or 2 or 3 later, I am ready to post... The problem is by then, I either need to drop off or pick up a kid somewhere or, more likely, I have completely forgotten what I wanted to post (if I even remember I was going to post at all).

On the bright side, the time I spend on Facebook has reconnected me with so many people from my past. It's like a big old reunion right here in my house with no schedules to arrange and no airline tickets to purchase. I love it. I've found high school friends, BBYO friends, camp friends, friends of friends. I even discovered my own cousin was engaged because I saw her talking about it on Facebook. How crazy is that?

Oh yeah... So, it's been forever since I posted and lots has been happening. BlogHer with Mom Road Trip, a new season with LCS, back to school events, the DNC right here, close to home and some new discoveries about communicating on line. Like Devra said, it's a bit overwhelming to even figure out where to start!

I won't start at the beginning (too long ago to remember), or at the end (even though that would be easy). I want to start by sharing the discoveries I have made along the way. Regardless of where I am, who I am with, or what I am doing, the same question is asked of me over and over again, "What do you blog about?" It probably shouldn't catch me off guard but it does. It catches me just as off guard as, "What do you do?" and "Wow, you wrote a book, did you always want to be a writer?"

These all sound like reasonable questions to ask someone at a blogger conference, blogger meet up or any other blogger gathering. The problem is I never considered myself a "blogger." Yes, I have a blog. Yes, I write on the blog. But, as I have already said, I don't write very often - at least not as often as I feel I should. I always thought bloggers were people who posted daily (at the very least)! You know what I have learned over the past couple of months? That simply is not true. Sure, there are those who post daily, heck, it seems like hourly, but there are also those of us who post less often. The reasons for this are as varied as the people I have met. Up until this point in time, my response has been something along the lines of, "Well, umm, you see, I have a blog but it's only because I wrote a parenting book and then my co-author and I started a speaking business supported by a web site and our web master told us to start a blog." If you have ever heard that lame response from me please replace it with the following:

Devra and I blog at parentopia.com. As parenting professionals, our blog definitely talks about parenting issues but we also blog about anything that we believe may be of interest to parents or others involved with the care of children. It may be new born coping strategies, school topics, political, social, fun, serious, kid full or kid free. Occasionally, we even blog about things we find blog worthy at the moment even if they have nothing at all to do with parents or kids! Just come look, it's too hard to explain.

As for the answers to the other 2 questions I mentioned, they haven't changed much...

1. What I do depends on the day of the week, the time of the day and the season.

2. No, I never aspired to be a writer. My BA is in Adolescent Behavior and Sexuality and my post graduate work is in health care system reimbursement and early childhood. Writing is just something I do and I am a bitch of an editor (just ask my kids).

I suppose this post would fall into the "nothing to do with parents or kids" category so we'll file it under, "a personal revelation I thought I would share" and call it good. I fully intend to post soon (a relative term) on other recent events I mentioned and even share some things I am degreed in and have put to use as the mom of 2 adolescents. Now you're all interested aren't you. So y'all come back soon now, ya' hear!

Parentopia: The Return

Re-entering the day to day of our lives after spending almost a month engaging with our online community of colleagues and friends is the reason why Aviva and I have been on hiatus. Later this month we'll be posting more about what we've been up to. Why promise this week when we know better? Life is way too hectic right now to promise that! We will write a recap of our summer of (cyber)Love. Not that kind of cyber love, not the kind you need to chase the children out of the room to read online. We'll be posting about the people we met on the road as well as those we connected with, and in many cases reconnected with, at BlogHer. We may have a few posts about it, now that I start thinking about all of the stuff we need to recap.

When I think about blogging about all of it, I start to feel the same kind of angst surfacing whenver I get an invite to one of those photo scrapbooking parties. I know I have a ton of photos, deteriorating because I am not keeping my family heirlooms in some sort of acid free container which could withstand nuclear fall out. And I know they are not alphabetized nor in chronological order and I've even written on the back of the photos using a...wait for it...magic marker and/or ball point pen.

When I get that kind of invite, it feels like I am boarding a handbasket waiting to be sent South at any moment. And I'm not talking a trip to New Orleans either. I'm not in any way dissing those who partake in the "S" word as my friend Lisa calls it when she is around me. I just can't seem to get over my sense of being overwhelmed with so many pictures to organize. It just seems like I might never be able to get it all done. Most assuredly if you are a person who scrapbooks, my sample page I made once at a party would drive you to drink.

BUT...

I did get some valuable advice from one of the "S" word consultants who felt my pain. She told me, "Instead of concentrating on the oldest stuff, begin with the most recent and work your way back. You'll build confidence that way and won't feel as overwhelmed." As hokey as it might sound, that advice has stuck with me. Sure, I never have applied it to organizing family photos, but I have applied it to other areas of my life and it's been very helpful.

With this in mind, I'm going to begin catching up with blogging, by beginning with the most recent goings on:

Our blogmiga Michelle Lamar's book "The White Trash Mom Handbook" hit the shelves yesterday. We've been reading her blog White Trash Mom for what seems like forever. It's interesting to read some of the posts about the title of her book, even Michelle feels conflicted about it too, because there is a contingent of people who think the term "White Trash" is tantamount to a racial slur of a particular group of people. What do you think? Is it tongue-in-cheek humor or is it now no longer PC? The book is filed under "Humor" BTW and we like it because it offers up more reasons for parents to enjoy parenting than feel tormented by it. Whether or not you think the name of the book is offensive, open the book and read it. It's chock full of reassurance that parenthood is not perfectionhood!

I posted about my plane trip back to The DC. If you want to read what it was like for me to sit next to the founding member of the New Mile High Club, head on over to DC Metro Moms and read "Airport Security: The Coke you drink? Don't even think about it. The Coke you snort? No problem."

While at BlogHer, I moderated a session called,"The Commercialization of the Momosphere; Ethics, Policy and Outreach." iMedia has an article about it; "It's a bloggers world" written by Nanette Marcus. Twas my first time moderating any kind of panel discussion and I'll do a power wash of it later this month. Keep in mind that Aviva will tell you I am my own toughest critic, so much so that almost any interview we do together Aviva refuses to let me watch more than once because I tend to be hyper critical of myself. I always see room for improving, room to grow, but admittedly Aviva is right to protect me from myself. We all need friends like her to keep us in check from time to time.

Please join the online rally for Paid Sick Days. It's about time our nation recognized everyone should be able to take a day, or more, off in order to recover from their own illness and/or provide care to those they care about! C'mon people, let's rally!

And I'll round out this post with a shout out to our friend Laurel for her awesome post about her barfing child and the Yak Pak*, which we dedicate to another blogmiga Lindsay Lebresco from Graco. Lindsay admitted she needs a Yak Pak ,not for her offspring, for herself. Just tryin' to help a mother out, ya know.

We're gonna get crack-a-lackin' on catching up. One blog post at a time so stay tuned!

*We are not sponsored by Yak Pak or have any other kind of relationship with them other than thinking the name is hysterically clever. We actually know Lindsay and are not affiliated with Graco either. Party on...

Ready to Come Home

Devra and I have both been away from home for 2 weeks now. It's gone by too fast on some days and dragged on others. If you are wondering where we've been and what we've been up to, head on over to momroadtrip and check things out.

We promise to come back to all of you soon.

On The Road over at www.momroadtrip.com

Sarah, Meagan and I began our day in Chicago as guests on CBS Channel 2. By the time we pulled into Omaha 12 hours later, we found ourselves being interviewed by Action 3 News the CBS affiliate in Omaha right in the parking lot of our hotel. Later that night The Queen of Spain (AKA Erin Kotecki Vest )interviewed us on her webcast.

Stay tuned tomorrow as we'll be picking up Aviva and having a meet up in the Denver area. You can keep track of our progress as we all drive to San Francisco to attend BlogHer.

I Knew it Ten Years Ago

The front page of the Vitality section of today's Reporter Herald immediately caught my eye. The headline read Mystery illness with a caption underneath stating, "Toddler suffered from recurring fever." The article told of a child who had frequent high fevers, swollen glands around the neck and fever blisters in her mouth. Her father, an ENT, researched her symptoms on line one night and found something called Marshall syndrome or PFAPA. Since diagnosing and having his daughter treated, he has gone on to help 60 children with this ailment.

When my oldest was about 4 years old, she seemed to be sick at least once a month - high fever, sore throat, swollen glands. In the beginning, I would take her to the pediatrician only to hear those dreadful words, "It's a virus. She will just have to get over it." After a while, I stopped going to the doctor and treated her at home. I knew the drill: Leave a low grade fever alone, it fights the infection, treat the high fevers with alternating doses of ibuprofen and acetaminophen, give her popsicles for her throat, and do whatever is possible to keep her comfortable.

After about 6 months of this, I contacted an ENT to see if he had any insight. While he believed a tonsillectomy could help, he cautioned that since she had rarely been diagnosed with strep, the insurance company probably would not cover it. We decided to monitor her for a few months and see if we could diagnose enough cases to warrant the procedure. Well, 1 month later, she was so miserable that I called the insurance company to see what I could find out. I explained how my five year old was almost hospitalized for dehydration because the fever blisters in her mouth were too painful for her to want to drink. I told them that no one was really sure what the illness was and various antibiotics had done little more than let us know she is allergic to septra. To my surprise, the woman was very helpful! She said if the doctor thought it would help, they would cover it even though she did not have a history of diagnosed strep.

Within a week, she was in and out of the hospital. Ever since then, she has suffered from little more than a very infrequent cold. Up until this year that is... This year she seems to have been sick more often than healthy - nothing as awful as when she was little, just annoying colds and sore throats that won't leave her alone for very long. I keep hoping it's just her body adjusting to less sleep - she loves her sleep and a more challenging school work load meant longer study hours this last school year. After reading this article though, I will keep a closer watch for the next few months. You see, it indicated at the end that children with this mysterious illness may have a hypersensitive immune system.

Ten years ago, I knew my daughter didn't just have a virus she would get over and now her body may be trying to tell us all something else. My daughter and I will follow our instincts to make sure everything is OK. After all, who knows us better than we do?

Google? More like Boogle. C'mon, it's not really hard to search for an answer regarding affordable day care for your employees. Or is it?

Since when did on-site childcare become an equivalent benefit to bottled water and M & M's? Why don't you ask Google that question. They just got put in the hot seat by my hometown paper: On Day Care, Google Makes a Rare Fumble.

Sadly we are all too familiar with supposedly "family friendly" companies getting revealed as neither. Here at Parentopia we are totally in agreement that carework-not just parents take care of others so let's be inclusive- must be safe, affordable, available and included for ALL employees.

If you really want to read in-depth and researched reveals on companies who claim to be all about carework benefits, go read our blogmiga Becky over at http://www.deepmuckbigrake.com/ . You may have to hunt around a bit, but most of them are under the tag "Working Mother". Becky is taking on Working Mother Magazine's Top 100 list, one company at a time to see if they really hold up to a magnifying glass or not regarding their offerings to employees. Oh maybe she will add The Working Mother Magazine 20 Best Companies for Multicultural Women (notice that it's not "mothers") to that list to see how those hold up too.

But for now we need to figure out how help Google, and other companies, search for better solutions than the ones they are coming up with on their own. The frustration is employees often come up with innovative ideas and then are told, "No, that won't work." Hardly a way to run a business. Yo.

We're baaaack and then we'll be on the road, but we're taking you with us!

Our offline lives have been insane, but we know there are plenty of other parents in the same situation; Trying to get kids situated for the summer while also figuring out how to keep up with the change in structure for the next few weeks as we go from school schedules to summer plans, summer work schedules, vacations, whatevah. It's a lot of transition for a few short weeks. For the kids, we know it seems like summer lasts forever. For parents? Notsomuch. It might seem more like fall is just around the corner and visions of school supply lists are dancing in our heads. Noooooooooo!

Let's not think of it! Instead let's take a road trip! Yes! Together! We are going to have cyber travel together! We're going on a major road trip and if you are on the way? We want to meet you! If you aren't on our route? We want you to follow us online as we drive across country with:

GoonSquad Sarah

Meagan Francis

and for the last 30 miles of the trip:

Jill Asher, who, in her bio, stated Devra wouldn't tolerate her longer than 30 miles, but didn't mention the reason. Jill gets car sick. Devra doesn't do barf well, she's a sympathy puker. But it's okay, Aviva said she would help if Jill hurls. It's all good.

So for the next few days we'll be getting ready for our big trip. And you can read all about it too. The journey begins on July 12 when Devra and Sarah drive to pick up Meagan in Chicago!

Extra Extra Read all about.....

First go check out Laurel from Moms Minivan over at PBS Parents this month. She is their featured expert and has a discussion up about family travel. Even if you are only traveling from your house to a little league game, Laurel has some awesome ideas for together time that won't include crying, yelling and whining (not even your own!)

An Op-Ed piece in USA Today discusses what can happen if parents hover over their college students. According to Debra Bruno, parents do their college kids no favor when they aren't able to let go as their offspring spring off to college. While the title of the Op-Ed piece is an obvious grab for a readers attention, Parents Quit Hovering, the body of the piece reflects Ms. Bruno's own perspective of being a recovering helicopter parent herself.

Even if I wasn't quoted in the piece, I'd still be recommending the article to you. Many of our readers have young children, and our research has shown that as kids get older the guilt-o-meter spikes even more for a majority of parents. Consider it fuel for thought and not necessarily a warning that you need to cool your jets just yet.

I'm Not Alone in my Confusion

It would appear from reading this article in Boston Globe Magazine, I am not the only one feeling a bit confused with teens and technology. I like the approach of limited and open monitoring - Devra and I tout the philosophy "legalize, regulate, and everything in moderation" quite a bit when talking about parenting. Why shouldn't it also hold true with the use of technology? Kids need to be given the ability to learn and grow while being kept safe and knowing they are cared about. Of course, there will always be those kids who will attempt to outsmart their parents in every adventure in life but, like I tell my kids, "Been there, done that and probably did it better than you so don't even try to get away with it!"

Text and/or Talk - Good, Bad, Ugly, or Just Plain Confusing?

I must admit, I just don't know anymore. I resisted text messaging for my kids but all their friends had text time instead of talk time so I eventually gave in. I totally agree with my husband, phones are meant for talking on, but I apparently could not convince my kids' friends' families that was the case. I understand the need for social interaction but I clearly remember talking on my home phone with my friends on their home phones (they even had cords attached to them). Of course, we all spent a lot more time at home back then too. And, if we were out, we were usually unable to be hunted down by cell phone, pager, email, IM, Twitter, GPS, or any other device that can find you just about anywhere.

OK, so we now have the convenience of being able to contact who ever stopped at the grocery store and let them know we also need eggs but honestly, is it necessary to call me downstairs in the family room because you are too lazy to walk out of your bedroom and come down to talk with me? Or stranger yet, send me a text message that surely took longer to type than it would have taken to come down the stairs and talk to me! Yes, I do believe technology has made us all a little lazier in that sense. More disturbing though, is the combination of an expectation for instant response and an overwhelming lack of respect.

I realize it's easy to blame both these things on technology alone but the one thing they are both missing is human interaction, and aren't we still responsible for providing that element no matter what the method of communication. I see my own kids displaying both of these distasteful attributes but I can't just keep blaming their phones - not the same phones I count on them having when I am running late to pick them up from somewhere. Not the phones I call when they are at home and I need them to find a piece of paper I left on my desk with the address of where I am trying to get. As difficult as it may be (and it is for me), we need to figure out how to teach our kids the same things about patience and respect we all learned as kids but with the new technology.

For example, just because you have the ability to call your friend at any time of the day or night to ask them what they are going to wear to school or even what the homework assignment is, doesn't mean you should. There are appropriate hours to call people even if you're sure, "they'll have their phone off if they don't feel like talking." (Excuse me, my daughter just sent me a text message.) Is texting really less disruptive than calling? I don't think so. I can ignore a ringing phone as easily as I can ignore an incoming text message or I can turn all my attention to reading as easily as I can to listening. One real problem with texting we have experienced in our home though, is people will definitely text things to a person they would never actually say to them. A great teachable moment of "don't text anything to anyone you wouldn't want to see all over the front page of the newspaper." It's comparable to teaching respect for the feelings of others, right?

OK, one last thing. Has texting made us more sneeky? Think about it. Kids have way more privacy with their friendships than we did because they can wander off and have private conversations on their cell phones, far, far away from us. Now, they can sit in the same room as us and have private text conversations. We all know how incredibly important it is for us to know who our kids are spending time with but it is sure getting harder to keep track of this.

Yes, I am rambling and ranting but I am frustrated. We have all become extremely dependent on the conveniences provided by our hand held technology. Now, it is time to teach our children and ourselves how to use the convenience without abusing all of us in the process. I have learned a few tricks along the way but I would love to hear what some of you are doing to bring patience and respect back into a world that requires neither when you can go for days without having to see those you are in constant contact with.

C'mon. Let's Be Baaaaaaad!

Go ahead. Break some rules with your kids. Do it. I just read this article by our blogmiga Meagan Francis in which she describes the excitement her children experienced from going with their dad to the midnight showing of Indiana Jones.
On a...

Wait. For. It.


SCHOOL NIGHT!

Then she goes on to discuss how quickly feeling good about a parenting decision can switch to feeling crummy when you realize your decision may not be receiving approval marks from other parents. This is an experience many parents can relate to and share. It does burst one's bubble of parental confidence at times to discover what you are doing isn't "mainstream", but you know what? Maybe the other parents are being non-commonsensical. After all, a 12 year old watching midnight movie on a weeknight with their parent isn't the same thing as an 12 year old being dropped off at a midnight movie by a parent. Period.

Some of my most fond memories of childhood are when my parents "broke the rules" with me. Letting me sleep over at my friend Louisa's house on a school night so our entire gaggle of girlfriends could watch The Lords of Flatbush on TV. Being Brooklyn Girls we had just had to see this movie and it was The Fonz people! I also remember the time my dad took me when I was a young teen to a bar to celebrate my birthday because a famous folk singer and human rights activist was playing that night and he thought it would make my birthday extra special. Which it did.

I remember these as special experiences I shared with my parents. Not every day events. These occasional deviations from the day to day, became memories from my childhood I cherish.

So go ahead, take your kid to a midnight showing of that special movie you know they really want to see, pick up your child from school in the middle of the day and whisk them to McDonald's with you for lunch. Is an author your child enjoys reading coming to a bookstore near you? Take your kid to the signing and so what if it's on a school night. I did this with Son One when This guy came to town and it was AWESOME.

Occasionally it's good to be bad. And it's really not all that bad if you stop and think about it. If no laws are being broken and no feelings are being hurt,and common sense is being observed then I say, "Go for it!"

I bet you will be surprised at what kinds of rule breaking you can come up with that isn't expensive, doesn't take tons of time and yet will be something you and your children will look back upon and love that you did together.

It's two,two, two posts in one: Loser Moms and Rookie Moms

Sarah and I have decided enough is enough and we're going to take turns kicking each other in the ass so we get on a healthier track. Sarah admits she eats too much and the consumption of da beer only adds to the extra pounds she feels she is packing. For me, being left handed and somewhat dyslexic has made aerobic classes an exercise in frustration. Given I have almost no equilibrium whatsoever, any kind of unsupervised work-outs could result in a lot of "I've fallen and can't get up" type situations for me. So, this is where Vionna Jones comes in to the picture.

Vionna is a personal trainer who will be working with Sarah and Me. Our agreement is she will work with us, and we will chronicle our experiences and progress. We encourage anyone who would like to kick our collective ass, to stop by our collective blog, Loser Moms. Because as anyone knows, it's going to take the entire Internet to get Sarah to put down the beer and get me to use my elliptical.

This isn't vanity people, this is for our health. Look, our hips don't lie and neither does our BMI. So now, we're taking the plunge and doing something about it. Maybe you've been putting off the idea of taking care of yourself. Maybe it's not extra pounds that are bothering you, maybe you've stopped reading for pleasure, maybe you've stopped hanging out with other adults.

Maybe you just need some more ideas to get you out of that parent trap we fall into when we only focus on one aspect of who we are. It's not tantamount to child neglect to decide you want to keep your pre-parent interests or develop new post-parent ones. As a social worker, I can tell you I have NEVER read a report from child protection investigating parents for hiring a responsible babysitter and going to a matinee of an Indy Film with French subtitles. Nor have I read a substantiated report of child abuse because a parent chose to make bedtime an hour early freeing up some time to read a book other than Goodnight Moon.

Maybe you need some ideas for combining parenthood and adulthood. This is a perfect opportunity for me to give some love to a new book written by our blogmigas, Rookie Moms. Aviva and I have spoken of Rookie Moms on our blog, and now the gals have a book we are very excited to recommend and endorse; The Rookie Moms Handbook: 250 Activities to do with (and without) your baby.

This book isn't laden with popsicle stick crafts you and your infant can do together, this book includes activities that focus on the many facets that make up who we are as people. The book grabbed my attention because of the inclusiveness it promotes among those facets. One which resonated with me in particular is parents can benefit from continuing to hang out with their non-parent friends. I totally agree.

It's very common for people to stop seeing their non-parent friends after they have kids. I think one of the main reasons is we become parent-centric in many ways, which isn't unexpected nor unnatural, but it does make it difficult for some parents to figure out how to relate to friends who aren't parents. Non-parent friends may become bored with babytalk, which is also not unexpected nor unnatural. But while we may miss our friends, we may be too sleep deprived to think clearly about how to make a bridge that doesn't include anyone lifting up their arms, singing and walking around in circles. But help is here...

What I especially love is one idea in this book which suggests parents focus on finding a common interest with their non-parent friends, in this case it is watching movies together. The book then gives a brief paragraph on how exactly to make that movie night happen.

And while the book is being marketed with new parents in mind, I found ideas in it which are absolutely applicable to seasoned parents too.

The book is also perfect for reading in stops and starts, kind of like how I've been exercising...until recently. ;)

Wee Wii Wee

As many of you know, Devra and I met at JCC Ranch camp when we were still in single digit ages. A fond memory of those camp years is talent show night. Every year a few favorite cabin acts would return. As I tell my kids when they ask me why - I can tell you in one word, "Tradition." Feel free to break into song with Tevya here. Anyway, a show stopper every year was the infamous, "I gotta go wee" act. All the campers and counselor would lie down on the ground, ready to go to sleep. The one on the end would whisper to the girl next to her, "I gotta go wee." It would get passed up the line to the counselor who would say, "Tell her to wait, we're all sleeping now and I don't want to get up." This would pass back to the girl who would repeat her request with a bit more agitation only to land a similar response (wash, rinse, repeat - you get it right?). Finally, exasperated, the counselor would send back, "Fine, go wee already." The girl would jump up and dance across the other campers while singing out, "wee, wee, wee." Totally expected but we all laughed every year. Why? You don't really want me to sing again do you?

What the heck does this have to do with anything? Nothing really. Except for the fact that every time I hear someone mention the Wii, I think of that ridiculous skit. Now you can all suffer that memory right along with me...

So, the kind folks at Nintendo have decided to help me keep off the 15 pounds I just lost in preparation for my last show by gracing my home with Wii Fit. Of course, things being what they are, I was the last family member given the opportunity to sign on and give it a try. OK, so maybe I got to try it before anyone else at a Nintendo hosted dinner a little while ago. You see, I am not athletic in the sports sense. I can probably sing and dance circles around a lot of you but don't ever, ever throw a ball at me. I will duck, yell, and look foolish, as well as frightened. Suffice it to say, I am just as lousy at electronic sports as I am at actual ones so things like Wii had no real appeal for me. Until...Wii Fit. I can proudly say I rule the house at aerobics and yoga! My balance and strength aren't too bad either. Just don't make me head those stupid soccer balls! I admit it, I'm hooked on parts of it - the parts I am good at.

As for the rest of the family. I caught my husband doing Yoga when he thought he was alone in the house. My girls are simply having fun with all of it and my son is learning patience and practice are just as important as the activity itself. I'll admit, I was frustrated with the amount of time it takes to set each person up to get started. However, once all the data was entered and we, "Let the games begin," I realized the reasoning behind it all. Wii isn't just about playing games. It really is about challenging yourself (and others if you wish) to improve your skills along with your health in a very relaxed environment - your own home! Yes, it is a bit intimidating to hear the initial stats about your BMI but encouraging to know that playing these games can make a difference. The system even lets you set goals and track your progress. How cool is that?

I will keep on Wii-ing if it means I can work out whenever I have a few spare minutes instead of dragging my ass out of bed at 5:15 in the morning to go to the gym. My son will do it to master each event, my girls will do it for the fun and may even admit to the great shape it helps them to stay in, my husband will do it (let's be honest here) to make sure he keeps his #1 ranking in each category. And, when the entire family gets together to Wii, we all have a great time encouraging each other and laughing hysterically any time I try to actually participate in anything with a ball, bat, glove, etc...

Thanks Nintendo, for giving us our very own indoor video workout with a purpose!

How Was Your Mother's Day?

(Look people. We know you are lurking. We can see how many of you stop by on our stats. WE SEE YOU! But lo and behold, we only have two people brave enough to discuss their Mother's Day? Are you kidding us? C'mon! Jump in, tell us what's going on with you! We wouldn't ask if we really didn't want to know! Would you change anything about Mother's Day for next year? Leave it the same? What???)


We've had technical difficulties. For some unknown reason signing into "Blogger" became impossible for a number of days. Short of calling Oliver Stone, we couldn't figure out the problem or if it was indeed a conspiracy. But right when we were going to look up Ollie, suddenly the Internets opened up and we were able to sign into "Blogger." So now comes the catching up. How was Mother's Day?

We're going to say it, we're not big fans of Mother's Day. We know, it sounds so "unmotherly" to admit we'd rather skip it than observe it. We're not convinced that Mother's Day is useful to anyone else other than the gift card companies. We feel more like moms when we celebrate the birthdays of our children. Because isn't that the real day we all became mothers? However your child came to you,if they were never born, you would not be a mom. But we know there are those who consider having a day where motherhood is acknowledged and celebrated. Where are you on the idea of it? Did you like it more when you were the child honoring your mom or do you enjoy being the one now feted?

How did Mother's Day go for you and yours? Did you find yourself feeling...

Appreciated? Guilty? Annoyed? Happy? Let down? Something else?

Edited to add:
Dads, chime in!