Terrible Twos - What a Joke!

My son is 3 years old and demands everything that he wants. If I don’t give it to him, he screams at me or looks at me like he hates me. I don’t like it when he looks at me like that and I don’t know what to do with him when he gets that way. He is my only child.


This is why I laugh when people mention the “terrible twos.” They are nothing compared to the “terrifying threes.” Two year olds are learning that they are different people from mom and dad so they like to say things like “mine” and “I do it myself.” Three year olds know they are their own unique little people and know how to “push our buttons.” They know what makes us laugh, what makes us angry and what pushes us over the edge of reason. They know it and they use it.

When your son demands things, the first thing you should try to correct is the tone of voice and attitude. It could be as simple as, “I’m sorry, but I do not like it when you speak to me that way. Could you please ask me what it is you want nicely?” Your calm voice may help calm him or it may just confuse him into changing his behavior. Either way, you will make it clear to him that you deserve to be treated with respect and you will treat him the same way. The next thing to consider is if his request is reasonable. In Mommy Guilt we talk about saying “yes” more often and being able to defend your “no.” It could be that your child is just searching for more “yes” answers. Think about his requests and don’t be afraid to say “yes.” As long as he asks you with a polite voice, and what he wants is OK, you will not spoil him with more “yes” than “no” answers. The dirty looks and screaming are his way of letting you know that these things are important to him. Your calm response will teach him the polite way to talk with people and show him that you care for him and respect both him and his desires. When the answer is "no," though, the answer is "no." You can explain why or simply let him know that what he is asking for is not OK right now. Tell him that all the screaming and dirty looks will not change your answer but you would like him to go away from you until he is done behaving that way. Try to avoid raising your voice to over power his, this will just get you both screaming. Stay calm and know that your answer to his behavior is appropriate and caring.

Don't worry, 4 is worse and by 5 you will have forgotten all about this.