Parenting Is A Real Gas For One Lucky MOFO

Dear Devra and Aviva:
My son's 6th grade teacher called me from school yesterday. My son has apparently been disrupting class with an overabundance of flatulence. I am so flattered. To think that this teacher took time out of her busy day to let me know my son is farting out of control is truly a parenting pinnacle. My grandmother would be so proud! So I had a talk with him when he came home. He actually admits that he has full control over his emissions and was doing it on purpose to make his friends laugh and probably to repel girls at the same time. He asked me if he was in trouble. I said not yet, but if it continues, you probably will be. What exactly does "in trouble" mean anyway? And should I have punished him for his outrageous method of self expression? It was all I could do not to laugh out loud when I had the teacher on the phone. Perhaps I should be taking this more seriously?
Signed,
Mother of the Flatulent One


Dear Mother Of flatulent One,
You should be so proud! Not only does the teacher take time out of her busy day to discuss this with you, but your son can do this on demand. What a talent! Personally, I don't think I could take it too seriously. It probably would be appropriate to discuss with your son that this type of forced behavior is really not acceptable in public and is certainly disruptive in the classroom. If he truly possesses this amazing talent for flatulence on demand, he should save it for when it is really needed - long lines that he would like to get to the front of, perhaps? A little talk about not always needing to be the "class clown" or center of attention may also be in order. It is possible that your son is just looking for a little attention and taking the time to talk with him about why this is so could be very enlightening and beneficial to you. So, MOFO, keep your sense of humor and use it to teach your child when he should talk things out instead of letting one rip.
Oh, and better to laugh out loud with the teacher on the phone than...
Aviva