How do I get my 10 year old daughter to pick up?
Our home looks like a tornado went through! I take stuff away from her, but nothing seems to work.
Devra: 10 year olds are tough because they seem like they can handle more responsibility, but yet most still need a lot of direction and help to be responsible. One way a parent can help, is to find a moment (not the moment you discover the leftovers between the seat cushions on the couch!) and lay out the problem in front of your child, ask her how she thinks the problem could be solved. Then ask her what she feels should be the consequence should she not keep her end of the agreement. As you discuss this problem and the solution(s) with your child, ask yourself "Is what she proposes reasonable? Can I live with this? Does it make sense?" If you feel it won't re-enter negotiations. If you feel her proposal makes sense, write it up with her as an agreement and post it somewhere in your house, like on the fridge. Include the actions everyone has agreed to take and the consequences should the agreement be broken. Kids tend to pay attention to rules they helped create and take the consequences more seriously when they have helped choose them.
Aviva: You may also consider how your home got to this state. Does your child simply have access to too many things at once? Are there items that could be relocated to a better storage spot or even gotten rid of altogether?Depending on how much picking up we are talking about, you may need to stay right by her side and tell her specific things to get and where they should go - avoid touching anything yourself, though. Empower her with the right to decide if it is something she wants to find a place for or something she is ready to part with. Remember though, if she says it goes, or you feel it should go, a way you may fend off an argument is to provide her with a "get rid of box ". Keep the focus on the task at hand, and after you're done, you both can take a look at the "get rid of box" and decide what should be "disposed of". This could also be a great lesson in giving to others!
posted by Devra @ 10:24 AM
3 comments
