Devra and Aviva at YOUR service!

While neither Aviva nor I live in the South, we both have a connection there. Our webmaster is from an area that was hit very hard by Katrina. She has evacuated with her family and is safely in Tennessee. I earned my MSW in Louisiana and worked with hundreds of families in Louisiana as a school social worker. Aviva and I both recognize that families are now under enormous stress, those who live in and around the evacuated areas as well as those who know friends, family, co-worker's etc. who live in the South. We also know that with the news coverage, there is also a need for families to access information about explaining this disaster to their children who are witnessing the devastating tragedy via the media. With this in mind, we would like to offer our help by encouraging anyone who has questions about getting their family thru this devastating situation to post them to our blog. We will be checking often and we will be posting as quickly as possible!

We also are aware that several military installations are in the areas hit by Katrina. Some of you may be dealing with having to evacuate without your deployed loved one. Another added stress! My own husband is active duty military, so I know something of what you are experiencing. In our 17 years, we have experienced the deployed daddy! Additionally, I have worked in a professional capacity with hundreds of military families.

Please, feel free to ask questions, share your feelings and visit Parentopia where Aviva and I will try to offer you ways to get some calm during and after this storm. While we will do all we can to help during this time, we are not a replacement for the professional assistance that you and your family may want to seek when you, once again, have the opportunity to do so.

Katrina and the Kids

I have two very close friends who live in New Orleans. While both families evacuated and are staying with relatives, I have been thinking about what their lives must have been like during the past 24 hours. As if the start of the school year is not stressful enough, we need a natural disaster on top of it? Most parents come face to face (or front-seat to back-seat) with the question "Are we there yet?" and usually it happens on a trip that has a planned beginning, middle and end. But what of the hundreds of families that are facing "Are we there yet?" as well as "When are we going home?" What are they to do about those answers? How are they to keep everyone calm, including themselves? One way is to keep the family routine going whenever possible and as much as possible. Kids thrive on routine and having some routine is better than no routine. If you need to scale it down, that's fine. Just try your best. That's all anyone can do in any situation, right? Adults and children often feel more secure with the presence of a routine. It acts as a safety net. Routine helps parents too as the focus is upon the routine and not upon the chaos surrounding you. Children may not always be able to express themselves well, or even appropriately, during stressful situations. One way to keep tabs on how your child may be doing emotionally is thru storytelling. A suggested approach is creating a a story with an animal in a similar situation. Try to focus the ending on how the characters support each other and work together to rebuild, relocate or whatever the case may be, keeping the focus on the good aspects of a bad situation. Negative things happen and when they do, positive endings are possible. The story need not be very long nor bogged down in details. For older kids, you might ask them to add a sentence to the story, or prompt them with "And then what do you think happened?" For younger kids you might try asking a question that can be answered with a nod or shake of the head. As you share the story with your child, pay attention to her non-verbal communication too. Is she cuddling in to you, keeping his back facing you, crossing arms across his chest, crying, laughing,ignoring,falling asleep, getting angry, yelling, smiling? These are all important clues to any anxiety your child may be experiencing. Listen to the verbal cues too. What kind of questions or concerns is she expressing? How does he answer your questions? Communication is key and keeping a family journal may be a useful medium for a variety of ages as the journal may be either an oral description transcribed by a parent, or a written account penned by an older child onto the pages of a notebook. It need not be fancy and this may be a good use of that hotel notified! This is a scary situation, and grownups and kids are experiencing a wide variety of emotions, both inside and outside the eye of the storm. As Aviva and I think of more ideas we will post them.

Living on a "guilty" Prayer (with apology to Bon Jovi)

I was at a community fair speaking with a local radio show host about Mommy Guilt. When he heard the title of the book he said, "Oh, you must be Catholic." My response, "No, I'm Jewish."

Guilt plays a role in just about every religion. And, it would seem that many of us believe our own religion may have a monopoly on the feeling! Certainly we've all heard of the stereotypical Jewish mother who dishes out the guilt to her family, or the equally stereotyped Catholic mother who takes on the role of the maternal martyr, etc. In our book, Mommy Guilt, we maintain that guilt is a valid emotion FOR EVERYONE. The anticipation of guilt and what may come of it, discourages people from doing or saying things that may be harmful to others so I suppose this is why it plays a large role in many faith communities.

That being said, whether or not you feel religiously connected to your Mommy Guilt, we are excited to announce two upcoming appearances. On Sept. 25th we will be in Denver, Colorado. Devra and I will be featured as keynote speakers for the Shalom Baby fundraiser at the Denver Jewish Community Center. On November 9th, we will be in Stamford, Connecticut at the Sara Walker Nursery School. Devra and I will be the speakers for their "Scholars-In-Residence" program. We look forward to these events, hope that you will join us and look forward to meeting you!

A Nice Nod From The North

Our book, Mommy Guilt has won an award from iParenting which is based out of Canada. Thank you, iParenting! Congratulations to all of the award winners listed!

Road Trippin' With Mama

How many of you have hit the open road with your child(ren)? Now how many of you have hit the pavement without another grown up along too? How many of you volunteered to take the trip? Am I the only one with my hand still in the air? These past few days I have been roadtripping thru the New England States with our youngest son. I gotta say we had an awesome time. Visiting friends and family, groovin' to all kinds of tunes on the CD. Looking at the scenery, sharing our thoughts about what we saw outside of the car windows. Okay, well maybe I could have kept my thought of "You drive like a schmuck!" to myself, but when dealing with Massachusetts drivers for hours on end, I believe I am permitted at least one minor outburst. I was just lucky that the 5 year old in the back seat did not inquire "What does schmuck mean?" Believe me, if any kid would ask, it would be this one! During our trip we played roadside bingo and also utilized many of the tips and tricks I have read about on an awesome travel website run by my friend Laurel. Laurel has all kinds of stuff on her site about traveling with kids, and not just little ones. She's got great ideas for traveling with big kids too! One more thought about roadtripping, a car can actually be setting conducive to important conversations with your child or as a family. Few distractions, captive audience and, for some of us, it is easier to open up and talk if we can avoid sitting eye to eye. Not all discussions are appropriate for car travel, however, because if anyone gets too emotional, driving safety could become a concern, so use your best judgement about drive time discussions. I have also learned when you are the driver, sometimes kids forget you are there, treat you like you are invisible, and you can learn a lot by just driving and listening as you travel on the open road with your family. (This is also especially useful during school year carpooling!)
I gotta say that sharing my own childhood memories of New England with my son and creating a memory for my son's childhood that he and I will share together feels fantastic. I hope he has fond memories of our travels together and maybe, just maybe, he will remember more than his mother cursing under her breath at a Massachusett's motorist.