Leslie Morgan Steiner's Book "Mommy Wars"
Haven't read the book. I'll just say that right up front. My comment at this point is based upon an excerpt I did read in the Washington Post. I was particularly interested in this Steiner quote from the article"
"Wouldn't we be far better off if we accepted and supported all good, if disparate, mothering choices? Aren't moms ultimately united in our quest to stay sane, raise good kids, provide each other with succor and support, and protect humankind from the overly aggressive, overly logical male half of the species? "
Huh? As the mother of two sons, what am I to think of Steiner's assumption of what I "quest" as a mother?
I was with her on the first few quests of moms; being united, raising good kids and providing succor and support. BUT those last two quests? No way! First of all last time I checked men were human too. Definitely counted as part of "humankind." Men are not the enemy. Bashing men is not necessary for mothers to be united. Particularly if mothers are also raising sons who will become men!
So if Steiner understands my "quests", I must ask:
How does it make sense that I, as a mother, would quest to protect my sons from the men they are to become? And why would I expect my son's will grow up to be "overly aggressive and overly logical" men?
I don't believe all men to be "overly aggressive and overly logical." This is Steiner's perception, she is taking her perception and applying it to all mothers. I don't think one needs to be a sociologist to understand sweeping generalizations about entire groups of people are unproductive and give others an indication to believe an individual may harbor their own prejudice. Steiner's perception is based upon her experience and, for her, this is her reality. Yet her statements are assuming everyone shares her reality. I know I don't and I strongly doubt I am the lone holdout.
My friend Tracy Thompson wrote an article for The Washington Post in 1998. I think it's time to drag it out, dust it off and re-read it. It's too important not to share!
I know! I know! It's my perception that it is an important article and I am making an assumption you will like it, but... Read it.
posted by Devra @ 11:28 AM
7 Comments:
I think the whole thing is crap. I have friends that work, friends that are SAHMs and friends that work from home. I don't feel any rift. I think we are all just trying to raise our children in the best way we know how.
I find that I gain a lot of perspective from my firends that are mothers that are doing it differently than I am.
Steiner is reaching.
I agree with Sarah. We're all moms. The things that make us different just make us interesting to one another. But when we get together, our common grounds unite us.
Our common ground is motherhood.
Steiner should probably remember that there is some truth in the old adage "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle is the Hand That Rules the World."
If men are bad, well, then women raised them that way.
I suppose that sort of circular logic didn't make it into the book.......
(and clarification on earlier post, I am reading "The TRUTH Behind the Mommy Wars")
Yeah, somehow "blaming the victim" in the circular logic doesn't seem to get us moving in any specific direction. I totally agree with you Gidge! We need to move forward not in circles and certainly not backward!
Tracy's piece? Clean. Concise. Crystal clear. Deeply personal. Yet she tells other mothers' stories with care, honesty and integrity. She zooms in on her inner struggles while focusing the lens on wider social implications of motherhood.
I haven't read Steiner's book yet, but I've read her introductory article and excerpts in the Washington Post and her blog. I'm guessing the essays have much less "catfight" than advertised and more introspection about their personal lives.
While I think the premise of mothers sharing their stories is a good one, I'm disappointed in the "mommy wars" feeding frenzy that surrounds it. It's negative and counterproductive.
Mommy Guilt, on the other hand, is a positive and healthy approach to facing the inner struggles mothers have. It lets mothers tell their stories in their own words. And it supports and applauds all parents in their efforts.
The TRUTH Behind the Mommy Wars by Miriam Peskowitz is also a positive effort to bring mothers together, which is in the best interest of families everywhere. Not *cough* advertising executives whose interests are best served by conquering, dividing and selling a load of misery.
Bravo. I am tied of the man-bashing by women who seem to equate becoming a stronger women with reducing men to sniveling inconsequential sperm donors.
No thanks. My husband is not perfect, nor am I. But I love him for our similiarities and our differences. Men and women are SUPPOSED to be different. Check your lap people!
Mommy Wars is just another perspective. The book cover shows milk flowing from a baby bottle. A better title might have been Don’t Cry Over Spilt Milk- it all comes out in the wash. The essays are more about mothers’ internal conflicts than wars between them. As with most books, I agree with some of it, I roll my eyes at other parts.
My did like the question posed, “Would I want to be my child?” I think this is a worthwhile point for ALL moms to consider. The book reflects on whether “things” (children, relationships, our psyche) would have been “better” (smarter, more secure, less chaotic) if we made different choices in our lives.
Let’s face it, kids survive and thrive from a great variety of households. And I think anytime mothers get together (in a book, on a blog, or over a bottle of wine) and talk about parenting as a part of who they are, it’s a good thing. Because let’s face it, we were women before we were mothers, and we will be women long after the children move out.
Yvonne,
I agree the book has a terrible title. I have read the book and liked many of the essays. (Leslie and I had a book exchange and we've done a program together too). I actually thought the book's marketing did a tremendous disservice to the contributors; putting much more emphasis on the mommy war aspect than the content of the essays, some of which were excellent. The essays got lost in the "hype".
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