Night, Night Sweetie

Dear Aviva and Devra:
How do I get my 2 1/2 year old son to go to bed at night? I have tried laying with him, sending him to bed on his own; all without success. It has turned into a 2 hour ordeal some nights! Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks,
Sleepless in the Parent Hood

Let us first say, we feel your pain! 2 hours is a long time to be spending trying to get someone to go to sleep, you must be exhausted yourself, you need the down time just as much as your son. First take a look at what is going on in your family. Have there been any changes recently? Moving to a new community? Going to new school? Deployed family member returning home? Divorce? Marriage? Illness? If so, these events may be impacting your son's ability to fall asleep at night so please keep this in mind too as you read the following suggestions:

1.)Think like your 2 1/2 year old. This is the age when imaginations are extremely active and the concept of independence is emerging which can bring on their own set of challenges at bedtime for many kids. Your son may realize he is an individual, unique and separate from you, however he is exploring his world and learning many new things on a daily, even hourly, basis. With his new adventures there may be some fear and hesitation. You might try talking with him about his day during dinner or prior to your bedtime routine. This will give him the opportunity to ask questions and discuss anything that might be troubling him before his head hits the pillow. If he's not a talker, you can also ask him to draw a picture of his day to show you what it was like.

2) There is nothing to fear but fear itself..or monsters in the closet. A child's imagination can be a great source of entertainment but it can also be a hotbed of pre-bedtime angst when inhabited by some pretty scary stuff our kids can think up on their own or think they see in the dark. Try sitting in your child's bed at night. Does it seem really dark in the room to you? If so, consider trying a night light and see if this sheds any light on what could be bothering your son at night. Take a look around the room, do you see any objects that in the dark of night may look like a wild beast or cast a scary shadow? If so, the simple thing would be to remove them from the bedroom, but if they are too big, then show your son by playing with the light in the room what the object really is and when it is dark, it is still the same, just in the dark. (My daughter practically had an empty bedroom from 2-3 years old because so many things frightened her when she tried to go to sleep!) Mixing up a batch of Monster Spray is also a popular antidote to nighttime fears in toddlers and preschoolers.

3). We encourage you to look at your bedtime routine, and find your family's comfort zone. Try to limit bedtime routines to 30 minutes, or at least less than an hour. Bedtime routines often include brushing teeth, putting on PJs, reading/singing/rocking/snuggling/sharing events of the day/prayers, goodnight kisses and hugs followed by the final tuck in to bed. We also recommend avoiding television/computers/video games for about an hour prior to bedtime. Research exists which supports the theory that in some children (and adults!) video input actually alters brain wave patterns which in turn makes falling asleep more difficult. Reassuring your child "I will see you in the morning" as you leave their room may help anxious kids too.


While the above suggestions are what we have found to be successful with many families we also recognize a parent may unintentionally add to the chaos of bedtime by being anxious about it too. For bedtime to run smoothly, it's gotta be something workable for everyone who is participating in it, so feel free to tweak or ditch any of it according to the needs of you and your family . Please keep us posted as to what worked for you. Good night and good luck!