Mind the Gap, Build A Bridge

Following the publication of this Globe and Mail article, Aviva and I became inundated with emails and interview requests. People want to know why any expert would say "Of course it is" in answer to the question "Is motherhood boring?"

What we have expanded upon when asked is that it goes further than "Motherhood is boring". It isn't an epiphany that parts of parenting are tedious, repetitive and about as entertaining as watching paint dry. (Her Bad Mother made a wonderful point about this in the article.)

What Aviva and I had hoped would get across in the article is it hurts society when parents lack support. It is particularly frustrating as we watch parents admit they are struggling and then parents (and others in society) condemn them for their admission . This was certainly underscored in the many letters to the editor dripping with moral judgments ranging from saying these parents did not deserve children to guilt inducing statements about infertility. My friend Tracy put it this way when she we were talking about how the judgments were flying after this article was published. “It's very nice to hold the moral high ground, I guess. But once you're a saint, what opportunity is there for advancement?"

It was disheartening to realize the article became a fence between parents instead of a bridge to connect parents to one another where ideas could be shared. For example the mom who expressed bedtime stories bore her. It is possible that this mom may not have thought about using a different spin on it. Maybe if readers had taken a moment to look deeper, we would have read a letter to the editor which included a suggestion or two:

Such as instead of reading a story, how about making one up using your imagination? Or reading the story and having Barbie and some stuffed animals act out the story? Or even ditching the idea of reading altogether and instead listening to music with your child and cuddling? There are other things you can do, it doesn't have to be either/or!

Let's follow our kids lead and say "Do over", and instead of judging these struggling parents, let's lend a hand, lend an ear and offer them a couple of parenting tools almost all of us try our best to utilize as much as possible; patience and understanding.

(Oh, and while you have those tools handy, please keep them readily available as we have gotten off schedule with the stuff we said we would tackle last week!)