Pod People

Aviva and I were interviewed by Amy Tiemann Ph.D (AKA Mojo Mom). You can listen to the podcast here. Amy sent Aviva and me a primer on podcasting. It looks fairly easy to do. Would you like Aviva and me to continue being Pod People? If so, what kinds of topics would interest you? Feel free to comment here, or email us with your topic suggestions.

After you listen to the podcast, you will be able to go back and read Mommy Guilt with our voices ringing in your head....Don't worry, I am NOT singing on the podcast!

But if you want me to I could sing on our own podcast. Just don't tell my kids, they only allow me to sing in our kitchen. Otherwise it's "No sing Mommy! No Sing!" To think I was in chorus from 4th grade all the way through High School. How did THAT work?

Inoculating Against Cabin Fever

Sitting here in beautiful 60° Colorado, its hard to believe that winter is upon us. National Public Radio aired a story about Seattle possibly breaking its previously held rain record of 33 consecutive days of rain. The reporter was at the Seattle Children's Museum asking parents about their feelings regarding how this indoor time together was going to impact their family. In the background it sounded like the kids were having fun, but the parents being interviewed sounded far less enthused. Having many rainy days looming in front of them, parents expressed concern about what would happen when boredom set in. After all, how many times can you hit the same indoor activities before it all falls flat? The reporter addressed this lament by saying something along the lines of how having so much rain will wear thin on the "long-suffering parents".

Suffering? Why must it be described as suffering? What if we choose not to suffer or face it with dread or despair? Let's try to look at it as a much needed and welcome change, even aopportunityty to have fun as a family or get some things done together. It means quieter time together, more time together, and, if we play our cards right(and playing cards as a family is fun!), we might be able to run the kids ragged inside, so we get an earlier bedtime for everyone. Preparing for several days inside with kids can often seem overwhelming so I thought I would share some of my ideas with you.

First of all, I'm no craft expert, or even craft enthusiast by any stretch of the imagination, so have no worry because I say, "Keep it simple!" Take advantage of the time indoors to do things your kids love to do, play board games, draw pictures, color, sing, dance, read, hang out, and do a whole lot of nothing. If you're lucky enough to be inside during a big storm with no power, light candles and roast marshmallows. Sit around the candles or light a fire in the fire place and sing songs, Not a singer? Tell stories. You can even use this time to catch up on everyone's busy lives. Let your kids try shadow puppets, charades and those games we used to play before 24 hour television came along. Keep the TV off, turn the creativity on.

I say, take advantage of being cooped up, unable to go to the store, unable to run errands, unable to go to work and enjoy being forced to just hang out together. Be inventive with meal time, create a recipe together using only the ingredients you have on hand!

Being creatvive doesn't have to mean being clever and crafty, it can mean whatever you want it to mean. So, stretch your mind or, better yet, let your kids lead the way and enjoy some inside winter time over the next few months!

We are here for you! If anyone has some ideas for indoor activities feel free to post them in our comment section.

Returning Home

Next week I will be doing a book signing at Barnes and Noble on Court Street in Brooklyn Heights, NY. I am a Brooklyn Girl. I will always be a Brooklyn Girl. And I am returning to my old neighborhood.

This was Our building, which is now housing for Brooklyn Law School students. Our old apartment was on the 7th floor. I will share a childhood memory, my friend Claudia and I threw every single lipstick my mother owned out of my bedroom window and into the garden below. (The garden is the plant life behind the three people pictured walking in front of the building.) What possessed two 6 year olds to do such a thing? We thought watching stuff drop 7 floors looked pretty cool. What wasn't cool was seeing my mother trying to simultaneously keep herself from losing her temper with me and trying to keep the enraged building manager (aka Super) calm.

What I also remember is my mother sitting down with both Claudia and myself and asking us to explain why we thought throwing all of the stuff out the window made sense. My mother patiently listened to our explanation; We "wanted to be like scientists and do an experiment". I remember discussing safety issues involved with throwing things out of a 7 story window and littering being against the law. My mother helped us come up with other ways we could still conduct experiments, but safe ones.


Next time your kids do something and you wonder "What were they thinking?" Count to 10, take a couple of deep breaths, etc. Talk it over together before jumping to a conclusion and losing your cool. Kid logic and adult logic can differ, try fact finding before you make the accusations, condemn the guilty party and take every single privilege away from them until they leave for college.

Now, if you want to talk more about how I really did walk around Brooklyn Heights without shoes during the summer as if I were Pebbles Flintstone, meet me at Barnes and Noble at 7PM on January 19 in Brooklyn Heights!

Welcome! It's Delurking Week in Blogland.

If you have seen more of me on your blog recently, this is because it is delurking week in blogland. And so I am stopping in on every blog where I might lurk and leaving a comment. Please do the same here! (Aviva should recognize this welcome mat, it's the one in front of her own house.)

Community Support is Key

The issue of how to help others without interfering or being to intrusive is an interesting one. Remember back when we used to know our neighbors, and run into friends at the grocery store or the restaurant on a regular basis. This still exists in some communities but, sadly, it has disappeared in many. This may be part of the reason why we often find it hard to help people who live right next door to us.

Whether it is creationism, evolution or alien inhabitation, continued human existence depends on procreation and procreation means children in our society. It also means it is up to us to protect and nurture those children so that we may continue to prosper as a human race. In some instances, that protection could mean placing a call to social services or the police department when you see someone in immediate danger. However, in other cases it could be doing something as simple as walking up to a frustrated parent, introducing yourself and seeing if there is anything you can do to help.

I remember a commercial not too long ago that showed a woman by her car with a grocery cart screaming at a crying child. A stranger walked up and made a simple gesture of kindness. It made a difference! I know it always looks easier on TV but it really can be that simple. For example, when you are disturbed by a screaming child in a restaurant, instead of complaining, you might suggest that the wait staff bring them some crayons or crackers to appease the child. You might even try making funny faces at the child to distract them. Most of you reading this blog are parents yourselves - you know that often a slight interruption can turn off even the biggest of tantrums.

We have all strayed too far from just being neighborly. Next time you find yourself disturbed by someone else's actions, be proactive. Take a few moments out of your life to help an angered parent, an upset child or even a frustrated shopper. You may find this to be far more satisfying than complaining to others about what you witnessed or even calling the authorities and wondering what will happen next.

We all need each other! Help someone else and it is bound to come back to help you later!

Serious Issues Are Addressed Here

When Aviva and I receive questions and concerns from readers, we answer them here on our blog. Keep in mind our answers are our professional and expert opinions, but certainly do not take the place of medical, legal or any other professional or expert opinion out there. We don't know the laws and policies in every state, and our answers will be based upon our experience and knowledge, but you should always double check what the laws/policies are in your area. Aviva and I may change any identifying information about the people involved, we will not alter factual information pertinent to the question and will do our best to keep the question close to how it was originally submitted. Now, without further delay, here is the most recent question....

"My sister-in-law verbally abuses her toddler! Our other relatives, even my own 4 year old, have personally witnessed my sister-in- law's threats; calling her toddler "a little shit"(more than 3-4 x's), talking to her toddler in a menacing way. This kind of thing has been going on for a while. I remember when the child was two months old, I once called her, heard the baby SCREAMING in the background and sister-in-law told me she had "had it" and was "ignoring her" and "didn't care anymore".
I have anonymously called child protective services but they said they couldn't do anything since the child is not verbal. Other relatives think this woman's behavior is wrong but everyone is in denial and too afraid to speak up for fear of having the mom tell them they can't see the child anymore. Unfortunately my husband's father "accidentally" told them that we think that her behavior is abusive and we no longer have contact with them. Please help!"

Wow. I can definitely see why the bells and whistles are going off for you regarding your sister in law's behavior. I am curious as to which state you reside, as I am completely unfamiliar with any state's protective service policy dictating they do not investigate allegations of abuse if the referral includes a non verbal victim. Child Protective workers are trained to observe verbal AND non verbal behavior.

What I would suggest is having every single person who has witnessed any allegedly abusive behavior make a written chronology of the events. List the date, who was present, what they all saw and/or heard and how your sister in law, or anyone else present in the household, behaved. Then send it to child protective services as a certified letter. It's easy for anyone to ignore a telephone call, it far more difficult to ignore a certified letter! Call child protective services and request to speak to a supervisor, explain the previous call and let them be aware your letter is on it's way to their office. If you are again told it is a "policy", ask the policy be mailed to you then call the District Attorney's office and request their assistance. You may also wish to check with the local police and see if they have any further suggestions.

Verbal abuse is still abuse, it is reportable, as is emotional abuse. Sometimes people worry about making referrals to child protective services because they fear the child will be "taken away" from the parent. What the general public may not understand is it takes quite a bit more than one call to revoke custody of a child. A child can be placed in protective custody quickly, but most agencies look for a family member to take the child first before they consider other options. Also, please keep in mind your call may not be the first one an agency has received on a family, so your call may only be one of many, so it is not just YOU causing the consequences, it may be a series of events. There may be a history here you don't know about, so relieve yourself of any possible guilt about getting involved and making that phone call!

Sometimes it may be your phone call which will tip the scale just enough to get the family the help it needs. After all, isn't this the point? Making sure we keep the kids safe and getting families the help they need to stay together? Sure there are horror stories about child protective services, yes these agencies are tremendously overstressed, but they help far more families every day then you can even imagine! You can call and be anonymous, you can call and identify yourself and request your identity not be shared, but the most important thing is to pick up the phone and make the call.

When in doubt about a child's safety, report and let the experts decide what to do next. If you end up making a mistake, it happens, your intentions were good. But what if you are right? What if the abuse is real? Your phone call could save a life, could save a child, could save a family.

Bragging Rights

Mommy Guilt is in the "Top 100 Bestselling Motherhood Books" at Barnes and Noble! Out of 980 titles, our little edition is making her way up the ladder. Devra and I are already trying for a new edition. We will let you know when we are officially expecting. But in the mean time, I hope you will join us in the beverage of your choice, raise your glass and toast yourselves, for without you, we would not be on the list at all!