Mommy War Protest

Good Morning America, how could you do this? How could you set up parents everywhere to take sides and judge each other, yet again? I am picking up my protest sign!


In our book "Mommy Guilt" over 1300 parents reported no appreciable difference in the guilt parents feel on either *side* of this supposed Mommy War. Both working and stay at home parents fessed up to feeling about the same amount of mommy guilt. Seems the grass is just as green, or just as brown, whether you have a fence or not. Miriam Peskowitz has a well presented argument about why the Mommy Wars just aren't so in her book "The Truth Behind the Mommy Wars".

GMA, it's not too late to give us all a call!

Sexy and Self Confident

Dear Aviva and Devra,
What can parents do to fend off the increasing push for little girls to be sexy? It used to be a teen thing. Then tween. Now it's infecting primary school and TODDLERS!
Signed,
Concerned Parent in Tampa

My knee jerk response is, "This is crazy. How can there be a push for little girls to be sexy? They don't even know what sexy is." However, being the mother of 2 girls (now 11 and 13), I realize that would be a naive response. So, I say this instead, "Being feminine and being sexy are not the same, and let's try not to get them confused."

Girls, and women, should be able to dress without worrying if their choices in clothing will be an invitation to being sexually harassed. (Actually girls aren't the only victims of harassment, boys get teased too about clothing!) One of my daughters is a total "pink freak" and the other avoids it completely. If one chooses to dress in a more feminine style, so be it. However, it is up to me to convey to her feminine is okay, sexy is not appropriate.

There is no doubt clothing is often used as a form of self expression. However, as parents, it is our responsibility to educate our children regarding the messages they could be unintentionally sending by the clothing choices they make, not because they may be intending to send out a particular message, but because our society, at times, has already determined if you dress a *certain way* it sends out a *certain message*. As your kids hit the tween years and clothing becomes more of a hot topic, this is an excellent oppurtunity to examine issues relating to peer pressure, diversity, independence, sex, etc.

The reality is this - how we behave, what we say, what we wear and what we buy all have an influence on how others perceive us. We all need to have the self confidence and desire to present ourselves as who we are and discourage any choices which may not reflect who we are or how we wish to be identified in a variety of settings. Sometimes it is difficult to put your foot down and tell your child "No, you may not wear that." or "No,I am not going to buy that.". Teaching our children about appropriate clothing choices is similar to teaching them manners. There is a time and a place for certain clothing. But you gotta have the confidence to tell your kids "no" and stick to your guns when necessary.

Set the boundaries now, reinforce them as your children get older. Be clear about your clothing rules, but also try to keep in mind what the peer group is wearing. Usually there is a continuum involved. Such as "My child's peers wear jeans, I am okay with jeans, but not tight jeans and not jeans that show the top of her underwear." You're not taking away the jeans, you are legalizing and regulating!

Now, how does this relate to sexy clothes for toddlers? Don't buy them. Send the message to the marketers, write letters, email the corporate offices! While some parents may think it is cute to dress children as little adults, the fact is kids are children and not adults. They aren't ready to be adults. Let them be kids as long as you can. Face it, we have about 18 years of being a kid, then about 70 more years of adulthood. Childhoods are meant to be lived by children, adulthoods are meant to be lived by adults. Blurring the lines when they are children, will only muddy up the boundaries for our kids as they move up into adulthood.

Happy Anniversary Parentopia!

Today is the first anniversary of Parentopia.net, our website! We had originally planned a celebration on our blog today, and it is entirely my fault we are delaying the celebration until next week.

I awoke this morning with a headache. I tend to get them when the barometer goes up or down. Weird, I know, but I digress..

I headed downstairs for some pain reliever. I ended up body surfing down our staircase! My husband heard the commotion and got to me just as a hit the final step. After we both determined I was not seriously harmed, he deadpans "You fallin' for me? Happy Valentine's Day!"

Look for an anniversary celebration here on the blog next week. And if anyone has recommendations on slipper socks with traction on the bottom, please share. It is my firm belief the staircase debacle could have been avoided had I only had some traction!

We're Going To Speak Another Language Soon!

Devra and I are kicking back with a couple of Coronas (with lime!) as we share the news...

Mommy Guilt will be published in Spanish! Keep checking back, as we will post an update when the Spanish edition becomes available.

Tonight's The Night!

Recently I shared the story below with an online reading group. My husband and I have been reading aloud to each other for years. We have found it to be an effective way to unwind and slow down at the end of the day. We alternate who gets to select the book and we take turns reading. Usually we read a chapter or two a night.



When my husband and I lived in Louisiana our bedroom window faced our neighbor's back yard. One spring evening, we had our window open and the neighbor was outside with her dogs. Here is what she heard emanating from our bedroom late that night:

Me: C'mon already, let's get going because I don't want to be doing this all night long. I might not be able to keep my eyes open much longer.

Him: Okay, but do you know where we left off last time because I don't remember.

Me: Yes, we're at the part you said you didn't like but I did. I thought it was an interesting twist, but you thought it was unimaginative?

Him: Maybe we could go back to that part and do it over because I really don't remember it.

Me: No way! If you weren't paying attention the first time, maybe you need to start again on your own and when you get up the part where you remember, and believe me, tell me, I'll join you and we can keep going from there.

My husband and I hear something outside of the window. It is our neighbor laughing hysterically. When she finally stops, she yells to us through our window:

"I can't imagine overhearing the two of you having sex, overhearing you read is titillating enough as it is!"



Intimacy is so much more than sex, but often we hear questions about how to be more intimate with your partner, being answered by talking in terms of sex. Intimacy is so much more than being sexually intimate. There are intimate conversations, intimate dinners, intimate cuddles, even intimate eye contact. Why not consider exploring a different type of intimacy in your relationship? Like reading aloud!

Can We Keep Up This Pace? Hell Yeah! We Like It, We Love It, We Want Some More of It.

It has been a very busy winter for Parentopia! The groundhog saw his shadow and we now have 6 more weeks of winter. To quote Devra's 10 year old son, "BRING IT ON!" Devra and I have been traveling the country, (scheduled in between soccer games, school plays, time with our spouses, etc.) meeting parents and other caregivers. Attendance at our presentations, workshops, seminars, and book signings is beyond our wildest dreams! Reservations for an appearance in Connecticut numbered 60....

It was a dark and stormy night and 130 people showed up! (and yes, this included daddies!) Since both Devra and I have lived on the East Coast , we know how tempting it is to stay inside when the weather is lousy, we felt truly honored to have the attendance be double what was expected by the organizers. Book club discussions are another way we've been out and about. We beat out a previous book club attendance record held by The DaVinci Code in Greater Wayne New Jersey! One mom even showed up with the 7 Principles of the Mommy Guilt-free Philosophy laminated and gave Devra and me our own laminated copies. She went on to share she has her own posted prominently in her kitchen. Wow!

During this East Coast jaunt, we were also able to provide Hurricane Relief for our webmaster who lives in the New Orleans area. She joined us in NYC! The three of us took in dinner ate at Carnegie Deli before heading off to see Avenue Q on the Great White Way. We even got to meet the owner's daughter Marian Levine and her husband Sandy Levine, MBD (this stands for Married Boss's Daughter) Luckily we had a camera with us and Sandy requested a member of the waitstaff take a picture of us with him, so the next time you visit Carnegie Deli, look for our picture on the wall.

Our book signings are busy busy busy thanks to all of the help we receive from the Community Relations Managers at Barnes & Noble stores across the country. Our independent book store appearances are also near and dear to our hearts. If you know of a bookstore near you interested in hosting a book discussion/signing, let us know and we'll see what we can do to get it set up.


Please make sure to check in on our appearance page and media coverage, things are really going to be moving in the next few months! We have quite a few appearances coming up. Devra and I have been interviewed by three major national magazines and the articles are pending publication within the next 3-6 months. We will post links on our media page when the articles become available online. So check back for those too.

Please keep your questions coming. We have some we will post next week.

We are also planning a party, right her on our blog to celebrate Parentopia's First Birthday later this month. Everyone's invited and it promises to be a rockin' good time!