Dear Aviva and Devra:
I imagine personal weight gain adds to Mommy Guilt. It's a REAL issue for many moms I know. What's your take?
Okay, so we all realize we aren't 17 anymore,and as much as we would like to show up at our high school reunions weighing in at our high school weight, it's not gonna be reality for most of us. So why on earth do we need to feel like crap about the extra poundage we may be carting around?
Maybe it is because we somehow feel we have "let ourselves go". And in a way, this is true, but it's not a conscious decision. For many of us it is because we have been living life and putting the needs and well being, and even health, of the ones we love ahead of our own selves, and yes, bodies. We've let ourselves" go" to care for our families, make sure they get their needs met. And in doing so, we may have forgotten one person or felt that one person needed to come in last. That one person is "you".
In our day to day busy lives, it is really hard for many moms (and dads) to prioritize themselves because the guilt-o-meter maxes out when we take time for ourselves and we worry about what that is going take away from everyone else in our family. The thought process can go like this "I need to exercise, but I know my daughter needs new shoes, so I can't really spend the 40 minutes exercising because the stores are open and I'll be wasting valuable time I could be shoe shopping." Sound familiar anyone? Say it with us, "Hell yeah!"
Look, prioritizing yourself does not mean you are neglecting other people, it just means you are taking care of yourself. In order to care for others, you need to exist and if you don't take care of yourself, you won't exist for very long then how will you care for anyone else? See where I am going with this? Say it with us, "Hell yeah!"
Sometimes we just need an outline to help us prioritize and the following is merely an example of what I (Aviva) have used when I set out to prioritize my own physical well being.
Here is what I want:
I want to be able to play with my kids without feeling winded. I want to be able to sit down on the ground AND get up again. I want to walk the dogs with my family. I want to fit in all the clothes in my closet. I want my feet and back to not ache at the end of the day. I want to set good examples for my kids with how I take care of my body and the food I put into that body.
Here is what I don't want:
I don't want to train for a marathon (not a runner). I don't want to buy clothes 2 sizes smaller and get frustrated when they still don't fit next month. I don't want my feelings about my weight to get in the way of how I enjoy myself and how I enjoy my family.
Challenges:
I have no will power when it comes to chocolate and I have 3 kids at three different schools with three completely different interests and activity schedules.
Plan of Action:
I have a goal to drop 30 pounds. If I want to achieve my goal, I need to prioritize ME in all of this somehow. Fortunately, I am a morning person so I have decided to get up 30 minutes earlier every day so I can exercise. Sometimes I am fortunate enough to have had a great night of sleep and my husband (not a morning person) will be at home so I go to a gym and work out. On days when it is not possible for me to get out of the house to head to the gym, I have a little routine I can do on the floor at home. And yes, there are those days when I miss out completely.
BUT... The point is, I have set a goal and a means to accomplish it that is reasonable for me and works in my life. I keep the big picture in mind and I do what makes me feel better physically and emotionally. My weight is MINE. It does not belong to my husband nor my kids. While I wish I could just hand my flab to a friend and say "go get rid of this for me" it just doesn't work that way.
A plan you can stick with is realistic and positive. Feel free to share some of your plans here with us, or lend your own expertise to help others prioritize.
