Linda Hirshman getting you down? Try using these two words.

Lots of people, and especially mothers, are spending an extraordinary amount of their energy worrying about Linda Hirshman and her rules. We recommend the use of Mommy Guilt-free Principle # 5 -"Get used to saying "yes" more often and be able to defend your no". Which may mean: Yes, you agree Linda Hirshman is free to speak her mind and express their opinions (which you may or may not find of value), and No, you aren't going to allow to her rude and vitriolic statements about motherhood make you feel guilty about the way you parent your kids and live your life.

You know what we say here at Parentopia about the Linda Hirshman's of the world relentlessly heaping loads of pressure on parents by "prescribing" rules parents must follow?


So what!


Join us in saying "So what!" It will ease the pressure and lessen the guilt. Try it.

Saying "So what!" does not mean putting your head in the sand. Go ahead and listen to what is being discussed, read all about it, but at the end of the discussion or article remember Linda Hirshman isn't at your house offering to rub your feet at the end of a long day, and she isn't responsible for paying your bills. Linda Hirshman is not who your kids want tucking them in at night and she isn't the one they seek when they need a boo boo kissed. So if Linda Hirshman doesn't approve of the way you are living your life, we think there are two words we can all say about that...

So what!

Life is a Highway, Fly Away, Drive, Chattanooga Choo Choo, Truckin'...What's your summer travel tune?

Dear Devra and Aviva,
I would like to fly across the country with my 7 month old and my 3 year old. Both require car seats and I know I will have to take the seats on the plane with me. I will be traveling by myself and feel like I am going to end up struggling through the airport with the baby in his car seat, carrying the toddler's seat, carrying a bag with things to keep the children busy during the flight, not to mention keeping the toddler within arms reach. Here is my question are there any suggestions on making this trip easier and are there any magical carseats that fold up and can be slipped on to my back.
-Travelin' Mama

Traveling with children is always an unexpected adventure, the "with children" part that is. The travel partly is usually planned. Just when you are sure you have thought of everything, life makes a u-turn and many times it involves barf.

Fortunately, you have come to the right place...for us to refer you on to our favorite travel site. The creme de la creme of sites is www.MomsMinivan.Com. This site offers up all kinds of ideas; everything from recommended travel gear to how to keep your kids entertained while keeping your sanity. We feel it is the one stop travel site for families as it has many different ideas for various ages and stages of kids and travel. Regarding your carseat questions, Momsminivan recommends a toddler carseat that converts to a stroller such as this seat trolley or better yet, check the toddler's carseat with your luggage and use a flight vest made especially for traveling by plane with infants and toddlers.

Here are some of our recommendations to make airport travel easier:
1. Gate check your stroller. This means you can take your stoller to the gate, the gate agent gives you a special receipt and you can drop your stroller off as you walk down the gangway onto the airplane. After you land, your stroller is brought back to the same spot on the gangway at your destination and you can plop a child, or two, into the stroller and cruise on to the baggage claim or your connecting flight.

2. Check with the airlines about getting some help. Those electric carts are not just for the elderly, they are for others who may need assistance, so inquire. If you never ask, you never get!

3. As you board the airplane, repeat the mantra "All of these peopler were once children themselves" and greet your new-found row of friends with "Lucky! You get to sit with us!"

4. Bring an extra change of clothes for your kids AND you!

5. Pack your own snacks; airport food is expensive and doesn't usually come in child friendly portions.

Poster Girl!

QUESTION: What do actress Natalie Portman, Singer Michael Bolton, Politician Joseph Lieberman, Author Erich Segal and Didi from The Rugrats all have in common with Devra?

They are all being honored by the Jewish Historical Society of Greater New Haven for their major contributions to life in New Haven or to the American scene. Here is the full list of honorees and if you are in the New Haven area, go check out the exhibit which will be on display thru August.

File Under "News You Can Use"

Aviva and I recently conducted a training for Head Start. A father told us, "I don't make very much money. In fact most of it goes to child support for my kids. When my kids come visit me, I want to be able to give them stuff, I want to be able to get them the things their friends have, but I just can't afford it. I feel really guilty about not making enough money to buy them the stuff their friends are getting."

We are sure this dad's concerns are echoed in the minds of many many parents these days. Well we have some good news about a concept you may want to check out. It is called FreeCycling. The Freecycle Network™ was started in Tucson, Arizona as a grassroots effort to protect the desert from being overrun by stuff from landfills. Basically the concept is "one person's trash is another person's treasure" and members of each local freecycle group can give or get items free from other people in their local area. How cool does this sound? It is such a great concept it is operational world wide!

Local volunteers in each community help moderate the Internet FreeCycle groups. Membership is FREE. FreeCycle groups are open to individuals and non-profit organizations. FreeCycle members benefit from posting items they need, or giving away items which are no longer useful to them but could be for someone else.

Props my friend Cindy who told me about FreeCycle! I am a FreeCycler. I will share some of our recent FreeCycling experiences.

1. Our sons outgrew their train table and when I posted the table on my local Internet FreeCycle Home Page, we went thru the emails with our sons and they chose who would get the table. Our sons chose to give the table to a family with a 4 year old boy. The boy's dad had recently lost his job and the parents wanted the table as gift for their son's birthday. It made my sons feel really good to give away their table and know it was going to someone who might not otherwise have one.

2. When we headed to Louisiana last Spring, I asked my FreeCycle group for Girlscout uniforms their daughters had outgrown so we could deliver them to a needy troop who's members had lost everything in Hurricane Katrina.

3. I surprised my family with some awesome patio furniture which I received in response to my "WANTED: Patio Furniture" and now we can enjoy our back yard even more.

I am confident there are FreeCyclers who have neck ties they would be willing to part with just in time for Father's Day!

Night, Night Sweetie

Dear Aviva and Devra:
How do I get my 2 1/2 year old son to go to bed at night? I have tried laying with him, sending him to bed on his own; all without success. It has turned into a 2 hour ordeal some nights! Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks,
Sleepless in the Parent Hood

Let us first say, we feel your pain! 2 hours is a long time to be spending trying to get someone to go to sleep, you must be exhausted yourself, you need the down time just as much as your son. First take a look at what is going on in your family. Have there been any changes recently? Moving to a new community? Going to new school? Deployed family member returning home? Divorce? Marriage? Illness? If so, these events may be impacting your son's ability to fall asleep at night so please keep this in mind too as you read the following suggestions:

1.)Think like your 2 1/2 year old. This is the age when imaginations are extremely active and the concept of independence is emerging which can bring on their own set of challenges at bedtime for many kids. Your son may realize he is an individual, unique and separate from you, however he is exploring his world and learning many new things on a daily, even hourly, basis. With his new adventures there may be some fear and hesitation. You might try talking with him about his day during dinner or prior to your bedtime routine. This will give him the opportunity to ask questions and discuss anything that might be troubling him before his head hits the pillow. If he's not a talker, you can also ask him to draw a picture of his day to show you what it was like.

2) There is nothing to fear but fear itself..or monsters in the closet. A child's imagination can be a great source of entertainment but it can also be a hotbed of pre-bedtime angst when inhabited by some pretty scary stuff our kids can think up on their own or think they see in the dark. Try sitting in your child's bed at night. Does it seem really dark in the room to you? If so, consider trying a night light and see if this sheds any light on what could be bothering your son at night. Take a look around the room, do you see any objects that in the dark of night may look like a wild beast or cast a scary shadow? If so, the simple thing would be to remove them from the bedroom, but if they are too big, then show your son by playing with the light in the room what the object really is and when it is dark, it is still the same, just in the dark. (My daughter practically had an empty bedroom from 2-3 years old because so many things frightened her when she tried to go to sleep!) Mixing up a batch of Monster Spray is also a popular antidote to nighttime fears in toddlers and preschoolers.

3). We encourage you to look at your bedtime routine, and find your family's comfort zone. Try to limit bedtime routines to 30 minutes, or at least less than an hour. Bedtime routines often include brushing teeth, putting on PJs, reading/singing/rocking/snuggling/sharing events of the day/prayers, goodnight kisses and hugs followed by the final tuck in to bed. We also recommend avoiding television/computers/video games for about an hour prior to bedtime. Research exists which supports the theory that in some children (and adults!) video input actually alters brain wave patterns which in turn makes falling asleep more difficult. Reassuring your child "I will see you in the morning" as you leave their room may help anxious kids too.


While the above suggestions are what we have found to be successful with many families we also recognize a parent may unintentionally add to the chaos of bedtime by being anxious about it too. For bedtime to run smoothly, it's gotta be something workable for everyone who is participating in it, so feel free to tweak or ditch any of it according to the needs of you and your family . Please keep us posted as to what worked for you. Good night and good luck!