Search me, search me!

One of the fun things about having a web site is following the statistics on it. You know, how many hits per month, peak activity days in a week and, my all time favorite, phrases thrown in a search engine that land people at our site.

So, Devra thought it would be fun for me to put our top eleven (no, not 10) search phrases into sentences. I decided to go one step further and put my creative writing skills to work and create a little scene. It kind of reminds me of those MAD Libs we used to do in the car on long family road trips. I hope you enjoy it.

The loud snoring of Merdith Viera's husband sleeping echoed across the lawn and into my window. It made me think of the boss lady & secretarial video index I came across while surfing the net the other day. It's no wonder his wife went out and bought herself a Women's Cuddles Slipper Sock. She's probably hoping to pull it all the way up over her head and shut him out completely. Maybe she'll get lucky and his next "business trip" will land his car in a ditch in Wichita, KS.

I can't blame his snoring for keeping me up though. I've spent the last 45 minutes trying to think of how to ditch parent teacher conferences tomorrow. The last conference focused on my kids automatic flushing toilets fear and the great debate, "Should I punish my son for farting?" Don't they have more important things to discuss with me?

I tiptoe across the bedroom and stare out the window at our lawn sized menorahs. That's one debate I never should have folded on. I crawl back into bed with the hope of getting a little rest before morning. My husband, awakened by my return, rolls over and grabs me with a little intimate eye contact. What the heck, there'll be plenty of time for sleep when I'm dead.

The sun rises and I awaken to a hearty, "speedy gonzales Aviva!" I return my sons eager morning greeting with 2 thumbs up and, what would the Fonz say? Oh yeah, "Ayyy."

Super Hero Day : Tra La La La La

Okay, so your 17 year old daughter and two friends, wear beige leotards, don a pair of briefs, tie red towels around their necks and go off to their New York high school to participate in "Superhero Day". Lucky them! They have Zippy Gizzardhiney (aka Nicholas Restivo) as their school principal and he does this.

Mr. Gizzardhiney, why don't you take a field trip to Tucson and talk to this teacher about his costume:

Or head over to this public library and ban their librarian for doing this:



Check out Professor Poopypants Name Change-O-Chart to find out your own Captain Underpants name.

Delurk Yourself and Win a Copy of Momfidence!

We are happy to share with you that thanks to the marvelous moms at MotherTalk and Three Rivers Press, we have swag to give out in the form of a couple of Momfidence! books.

In keeping with the theme, please share with us your Most Momfident Moment. The two that make our heart sing or make us laugh so hard we wish we were wearing Depends will be the winners.

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

MotherTalk Blog Tour- MOMFIDENCE!

Welcome to the third stop on the MotherTalk Blog Tour for "Momfidence!: An Oreo Cookie Never Killed Anyone and Other Secrets of Happier Parenting" by Paula Spencer.

What?! Someone else has dared to write a book about happier parenting? No! Say it isn't so! Aren't we all supposed to be focused on the negative aspects of our lives as parents? You know the routine, where experts and much of the media lead mothers to a corner, tell us to sit down and encourage us to wring our hands and look worried? They tell us we are hapless victims of a raw deal. That maternal is really matern-hell.
Paula Spencer takes notice of this trend as well when she asks, "Ever notice that good-mothering messages always focus on the Dark Side?"

We are so glad other authors are stepping forward to write about the happier parts of parenting; demonstrating that when we ease up on ourselves, laugh at ourselves (and yes, even occasionally laugh at our kids!) we are more confident. Or in this case, Momfident!

In this world where we are practically zombies due to our harried schedules and keeping up with the rat race which has become our routine, isn't it time we all stopped the Mompetition and recommended the good stuff? The stuff that makes us feel like we are walking into the light? (Not in a going to The Other Side way, but in a way where we feel like we aren't lost anymore.) This is the reason we agreed to read Paula's book.

So let us move our collective ass over. There is plenty of room on the shelf for another authorist!

Paula's light hearted and laugh-out-loud look at parenting is a welcome pleasure. It jumps out and tells us this mom thing isn't always easy, so let's have some fun with it by realizing that everyone is doing something crazy. The way she throws her anecdotes into the chapters is really the way our lives are; constantly interrupted by life itself, kids popping in and out. Doing what kids do-fun, sad,annoying, dangerous, poignant.

We found ourselves giggling (and sometimes distracting others with our giggles) as we recalled vivid images of our own experiences. The chapter that includes "The annals of Things I Can't Believe I Just Said" conjured up the memory of this lovely utterance yelled as mother and son were walking back from a neighborhood park and said son went over to play with a neighbors sports equipment, "Leave his balls alone! You can play with your own when we get back to the house!" (If you guess who said it, Devra or Aviva, there will be a prize!)

Is this book going to be appreciated by everyone? Of course not. We have no doubt that Paula has made statements that might offend or horrify some readers. But, that too is part of what makes this book so real and so applicable to being a mom. Truth is, we will all make decisions to say or do what we feel is best. Momfidence is making our own decisions even though we might horrify, and even disgust, those around us. You know what we all can do? Build a bridge and get over it!

We feel that Paula's vivid descriptions of her own parenting experiences allow the reader to picture exactly what she is talking about, and they actually work as an illustration of our book, Mommy Guilt. Paula allows the reader to "see" what life can look like if you apply the Mommy-guilt Free Philosophy. We love that! The two books compliment each other, so naturally we two compliment (Mompliment?!) Paula on her wonderful book!

Feel free to share with us your own entries in the "Annals of Things I Can't Believe I just said." We're sure Paula will enjoy them too!

Work/Life Balance, Work-Life Balance, Worklife Balance. Productivity, Parents and Ideas

I came across this work/life balance calculator for attorneys. Note that it only concentrates on Monday-Friday's, however I would imagine the hours "at home" would include any work done on weekends from home. Now, do you think it is accurate to say that 3 hours of work at home will equal 3 hours of work at the office?

What I am wondering is if parents feel time spent working from home is equal to time spent working at an office. Do you feel working from home helps you with work/life balance or merely combines your work with your family?

I know that when I am home, sometimes there are distractions, I may stop and start projects over and over again and it might take me more time at home to finish something than had I gone in to my office. Other times I can whip thru my work very quickly at home, more so than at work where the phones keep ringing off the hook and interrupting me.

Tell us what your experience has been:
A. Working at home is more productive?
B. Working at the office is more productive?
C. Combination of the two is more productive?
D. Other ideas?

The New Republic? More like the same old same old.

Tracy Thompson of "Maternally Challenged" has an excellent response to the latest drivel on the mommy wars being spewed forth in the most recent issue of The New Republic magazine. (There has even been a call to boycott TNR ).

When our book was published, I contacted TNR. I left a message for the editor who went to college with my mother. (Hey, in the world of book promotion, every "in" must be utilized, believe me!) My call was shortly before TNR published their first round about motherhood. TNR never returned my call. Now a year later. I understand why.

After reading Tracy's response to the Woolcott article, I realize I must have been deluded in thinking The New Republic would be interested in our book. It is painfully obvious I was barking up the wrong tree. Furthermore, according to Tracy, The New Republic and their compadres aren't interested in a book like ours as they are too busy yammering on about the mommy wars to shut up and notice that many mothers, and others, have picked up their toy soldiers, gone back to their lives and are actively working on peace accords for home and work balance.

So I guess I am feeling "crabby" but in a good way as I have escaped from the bucket and won't be dragged back.

Mamazine!

Read this! Read this! Read this! We have been featured in Mamazine!
If you haven't discovered the online magazine Mamazine, let us introduce you! Mamazine is an online publication for mothers and others who are interested in a whole-istic approach to motherhood, meaning that there are a whole bunch of cultural expectations and a whole lot of pressures associated with a whole lot of motherhood in our whole society. Which gives readers a whole lot of articles and stories to read!

Mamazine is dedicated to critically examining the myriad of issues pertaining to motherhood, feminism, caregiving, work, and how all of it gets done, while still trying to find time for ourselves. At Mamazine they "celebrate the real and often poignant joys of raising children."

Seems to us like a whole lot of people could benefit from spending some time reading Mamazine and we are wholly appreciative that Mamazine featured us!

Mark Foley Incident Underscores Why Devra Became a Social Worker

I recently heard an interview on National Public Radio where a member of our government was questioned as to why he did not take more decisive action in regard to Mark Foley's inappropriate behavior with children (don't even get me started on how the word "page" is being used to somehow distract us from the fact "pages" are CHILDREN).

What did this member of our government say in response? "Like any corporation, I went to my supervisor and reported it. After I did that, I no longer had any responsibility in regard to the matter." While I am angry about the comment I heard on NPR, I would like to think the majority of people in our government realize that reporting an alleged abuse of a child is not comparable to reporting a problem in corporate accounting to one's supervisor.

I have to admit, though, I understand what that government guy is talking about, but I learned my lesson later, rather than sooner and instead of responding with "Oh well, shit happens", which is essentially what that G-man did, I destined my history not to repeat itself.

I was straight out of college. I was working in child care center on a military base. I had recently been trained under a new program so child care workers would be made more aware of possible red flags regarding child abuse and neglect. I took my training to heart as I walked in to the room of toddlers in my charge. A few days into my new job, I noticed a co-worker who was favoring kids; Some children she would allow to sit on her lap and others she would not. Some would receive extra hugs, some would not,etc.

I realized this seemed like a small flag, but it bothered me. While the flag was small, it was waving a lot. I spoke with my co-workers, and while all of them agreed the behavior was definitely noticeable, none were willing to get involved and report it. They all told me "She's been here for years." I decided, "So what." and I would report my concerns to the lead teacher in our room. The lead teacher? She dismissed my concerns by saying "Well, she's been working here for years. She's just like that sometimes".

I argued it was not okay, that I was trained specifically NOT to favor children and this was a violation of procedure at the center and I expressed my frustration that her inappropriate behavior would not be addressed. It was then explained to me, "She hasn't gone thru the new training yet, so maybe she doesn't realize what she is doing. She will be trained soon." Again, I was told about how long this woman had worked at the center and I just needed more experience. I was not satisfied with this answer. My gut just said "Keep going, don't stop!"

I made an appointment with the director of the child care facility. I explained my concerns to her regarding my observations of the inappropriate conduct of my co-worker. Once again, it was explained to me that the co-worker I was reporting "has years of experience".

I specifically asked why, after just a few days, I was being made to feel like I was the only one who was picking up this feeling about this worker. Why hadn't anyone else reported her in the past? It was really obvious to me that something wasn't right. The director explained "She may be quirky, but nothing has ever been reported about her." She also underscored that I was a recent hire as well as a part -time employee and I should leave my concerns with those who have been working at the center for years and for many more hours. The director told me the buck stopped with her and she would take my report "under advisement."

I had gone thru two lines of fire, and I while I was feeling beat down, I still had the hope the director would investigate my complaint. After all she had "taken it under advisement". Certainly this meant she would check out my story? Sadly, it didn't and I was too young and inexperienced to realize my concerns were being dismissed by my supervisors and my report was going to be filed in the round filing cabinet in her office. I continued to work at the center. Despite how helpless I felt about the situation, my friends all assured me I had done what I could given the system I was working under and surely something was being done, just that I wasn't being made privy.

4 months later I got married and moved to another state. One day I picked up our ringing telephone and on the other end, was a former co-worker from the child development center. She didn't have all the details, but she was calling to let me know there had been multiple arrests at the center that week and it was possible that the director had also been arrested. Turns out the worker I had been concerned about had been molesting children at the center, possibly for years. It also turned out that other co-workers knew about it, and those that did, were also being held responsible. At last count, the authorities suspect at least 14 children were victimized during the past year prior to the arrests.

How could this happen? Remember "she has worked here for years"? Yes, and while cameras are all over the center, this woman, because she had been there for years, knew the bathrooms did not have cameras. In the bathroom is where this woman molested scores of children.

I hung up the phone and sobbed. 14 children victimized. 13 families, inconsolable. Hundreds of futures forever changed.

On that very day I decided to become a social worker. Never again would I allow any system to stop me from advocating for families and keeping families safe. I now have 14 little voices inside of my head that say "Keep going, don't stop. Get answers, follow your gut. Do it!" Despite all the work I have done in 17 years, the thousands of families I have helped, I am haunted by what I was not able to prevent 17 years ago. At the same time, I thank the ghost for giving me inspiration to do the work I do.

And that, is the story of "Why Devra Became A Social Worker"

Editorial Note: Much has changed for the military in 17 years. Currently the child development centers at military installations offer some of the best childcare in the world. These child care faciliites have received awards and recognition for their programming (on site as well as home-based) and dedicated personnel. Take a look and see what these programs look like and then write to your state representative and ask "Why can't we get something like this in our community? Look, here is a program that works outside of Sweden and it is run by our own country!"