Discipline, Blame and Moms in the News Again

The Washington Post just ran an online article titled The Tough Mom. I guess it's a natural reaction to headlines like Sometimes Mothers Can Do No Right. Moms are constantly being blamed for the way their children behave and the choices their children make. But, we moms know perfectly well that every person, from birth to death, has their own personality and will make their own choices despite (or in spite of) our best intentions. Being a mom is tough. As a matter of fact, as my kids would whine, "It's not fair!"

Fair or not, the reality is this. As moms, we are seen as our child's primary influence. It doesn't matter if you stay at home, work outside of the home, use private daycare, send kids to public school or even if your coparent is a stay at home dad. In the eighteenth century, there was a belief that women had a special ability to mold charcter traits in young children. You see, since we were not influenced by business and politics, our ideas would not be corrupted by these things either. I am happy to report that women now play a very active role in both business and politics and we still posess the quality to differentiate between those institutions and the behaviors and values that should influence our daily lives and our character. Why then, does the issue of how we discipline our children bring such angst to our lives? After all, discipline is a good thing. It is teaching, it is respect, it is values.

I would venture out and say that discipline is undervalued - just as motherhood often is. A disciplinary parent is seen as a tough mom or dad when they should actually be seen as a very loving parent. When my kids tell me things like, "But her mom doesn't make her wear a seat belt when they just go a few blocks." I have been known to respond with, "I guess I must love you more than her mom loves her." Is this a true statement? Hopefully not. But it sure gets the point across to my kids that I have rules to protect them not to punish them.

This said, it is also worth noting that I am my children's parent, not their best friend. It is not my job to act as their friend. It is my job to guide them, to protect them, to nurture them and, yes, to discipline them. I should be held accountable for all of these things. I should not be blamed when they make poor choices against my wishes.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again, "Remember the three C's: Calm, Caring, Consistent." With these 3 words to guide you through your discipline techniques, it is hard to go wrong.