Working Mother Magazine Best 100 List and Tenacious B

Becky (AKA Tenacious B, as we like to call her) will be doing a series on the 100 companies included on the list in Working Mother Magazine. Here is the first installment.

Wanna know something? Last year Tenacious B tried to get the attention of the mainstream media about these issues, she sent out tons of emails to media outlets all over the country, with the lone exception of The Brave Barbara Ehrenreich, she essentially heard crickets. Nothing. No Takers.

What a difference a year makes, huh?

We proudly linked to her work then, and will continue to do so now. We hope you will come back to read more here or visit Tenacious B over there.

Addendum: Here are the links to Becky's posts as they roll in...

Will You Let Working Mother Magazine Speak For you?

What Working Mother Magazine Won't Tell You: Abbott

What Working Mother Magazine Won't Tell You: Soft Benefits

Lost in tranlsation sort of

Neither Aviva nor I have fluency in Spanish, other than faking it in the Spanish edition of our book, so we rely upon interpreters when we are invited to present in Spanish speaking communities. We are wonderfully fortunate to have an interpreter on our team her in The DC who once worked at the US State Department. Joanna was a big help to us when Aviva and I were interviewed for Caras Magazine last year; she translated the journalist's questions into English and translated our answers to Spanish making the experience easy for everyone involved with the interview.

But wasn't always simple. Oh no. Not at all. Being a first book, we hadn't considered being contacted by foreign press and how we would deal with it. I'm confident we are not the only authors who came across an online translator and initially tried to use it...unsuccessfully.

See, the way it works is you plug in a website and it will translate that web page, or selected content, for you in seconds. Prior to meeting Joanna, we read articles or blog posts written in various languages about our work and ran them thru the site. We discovered that while the translation was quick, it wasn't always an exact match. Even though we no longer need to do it this way,occasionally we do just for fun. Sometimes we can figure out what is being conveyed. Other times? Not so much.

Here are is an example of two blogs written in Spanish. They are posts about our books, but some of it got, well, lost in translation, sort of...

Babel Fish offered this doozy: Remember you the scent of the kitchen that time that did its first queque, or what felt the first time that left to walk in bicycle in family?

and

This blog which gave Aviva the name "Intensifies Pflock" because Avivar is a verb in Spanish and one of it's inflected forms is "Aviva."

Cross-posted at DC Metro Moms Blog

Parentopia Prop Goes To Gillian Shaw of the Vancouver Sun

Gillian Shaw's article The mommy factor: Maternal wall joins glass ceiling to limit women's options receives a Parentopia Prop for addressing the numerous factors contributing to what some have dubbed "The Maternal Ceiling" while including quotes from mothers with varied perspectives. You will not find any bloviating nor one upmomship in regard to combining employment and parenting. This article presents what we would consider a well-rounded view of issues pertaining to mothers in the workforce and offers insight as to ways some mothers have chosen to handle them.

Included is a reference to the "Litigating the Maternal Wall Study" from the Work Life Law Center at UC Hastings (Joan Williams rocks our world!) and Shaw reports 30 of the 100 Best companies are mentioned in that study. Here is the link to the study with a hat tip to Ms. Shaw providing it.

We've notified Ms. Shaw of her prop and thanked her for her work.

Working Mother Magazine 100 Best List Revisited

Last year we directed your attention to the article 100 best companies for working mothers...are they really the best. Becky was on to something and now it appears the rest of the media is waking up. Good!

Take a look at this study from the Institute for Women's Policy Research and then go read this article in Time Magazine. We have no axe to grind with the magazine, it provides a wealth of information and support to working mothers, but we wonder why they don't just 'fess up and admit the list is an advertising vehicle for the companies who make the list and the magazine reaps huge financial rewards too. The current jargon is to "own it", so own it! There is no dishonor in doing so, lots of places use awards and recognition as fundraising tools, it's not uncommon. Standard actually. Often there is an expectation a recipient make a donation back to an organization in appreciation of being honored. Happens all the time. Everyone knows it. It's fully disclosed and no one pretends it doesn't happen that way.

However, Working Mother Magazine is not a 501c3 looking for funding, it's a profit making business dependent on advertising. Period. To unveil this list year after year after year as if Working Mother Magazine is providing is solely as a community service when in fact their own pockets are being heavily lined by advertising dollars from those on the list just smells bad. Some of the companies on this list aren't so stellar when upon closer examination. They aren't holding up under the glass. Frankly, this stinks too.

Are we suggesting the list be utterly discounted and ignored? No.

The magazine should address issues regarding how companies get on the list, survey employees of these companies and disclose the warts in the history of these companies. Why is it not disclosed the list includes companies sued for big money in multi-million sex discrimination cases...AND LOST their cases? Not settled em, lost em!

Mothers are women too! If a company discriminates against women, then how can that same company then be included on a list for being *best* for mothers? Of course people make mistakes, and even big businesses deserve a do-0ver, but don't sell us something that stinks like poo and tell us it's all rosy.

Hey! How about something like this for next year, Working Mother Magazine presents a list of companies without any connection to advertising; no money changing hands from the honorees back to the magazine? How about if companies on that list make a charitable donation, in honor of the magazine, directly to non-profit programs supporting families?

We believe that kind of list would smell much better. What do you think?

Are you there (Senator) Dodd? It's Me, Devra

Dear Senator Dodd,

I've been meaning to drop you a line ever since the Moms Rising House Party last fall. I was there! I tried waving at you, but there were some tall people in that room, and I am so short it was utterly impossible to get your attention. Do you realize it's been over twenty years a while since we'd last shared a sofa at the White House Conference on Aging? We were both in The D.C. at that time. Me, because my mother was a 1981 delegate to the conference and you, because as a Senator you cared enough to come and meet with the delegates from the state you represent. I bet you are surprised I remember, but it left a lasting impression on me. I remembered that MY Senator wanted to meet with me(well not just me, but you know what I mean) and took the time to do it. Personally. You didn't send an aide, didn't send a friend. YOU WERE THERE! And so was I. I really hope you remember, but if you don't, it won't hurt my feelings. I understand. We've both slept since then.

You might also be surprised to hear I am still registered to vote in Connecticut. (Ya know, I find lots of people are surprised about that). Hey, wanna know something else?

When we first met, neither of us were parents, but like you, I began advocating for children way before I had kids of my own. Look at us now, both of us still working to improve the lives of families AND we are now parents ourselves. You have two children and so do I. But the similarities don't end there...

I married a military man, you propose programs which will benefit military families. I am a consultant providing services to child advocate and parent education organizations, you support those types of organizations too. I believe care giving is undervalued and family policies need to be bumped up to the next level in our country and so do you. We both believe that children are our future and while I'm not going to ask that we do this, I am going to suggest we find a time to sit down and visit.

I know you've got a lot going on with work and family, as do I, but I subscribe to this Lucille Ball quote, "If you want something done, ask a busy person to do it. The more things you do, the more you can do."

I'll make the time. Just throw me some dates that will work for you.

I'd invite you to come sit on our sofa, but we're having major renovations done on our house. How about if we get together somewhere in The D.C.? Maybe I could bring along some friends who want to meet you and talk political shop about parenting issues and more. When can we get together? Rumor has it you have some big things you want to get done in the coming year. I'd love to learn more!

Here is my email: Devra@Parentopia.com

Looking forward to hearing from you soon!

Sincerely,

Devra (Gordon) Renner

Hamden High- Class of '85

Cross-posted on DC Metro Moms Blog

Discipline, Blame and Moms in the News Again

The Washington Post just ran an online article titled The Tough Mom. I guess it's a natural reaction to headlines like Sometimes Mothers Can Do No Right. Moms are constantly being blamed for the way their children behave and the choices their children make. But, we moms know perfectly well that every person, from birth to death, has their own personality and will make their own choices despite (or in spite of) our best intentions. Being a mom is tough. As a matter of fact, as my kids would whine, "It's not fair!"

Fair or not, the reality is this. As moms, we are seen as our child's primary influence. It doesn't matter if you stay at home, work outside of the home, use private daycare, send kids to public school or even if your coparent is a stay at home dad. In the eighteenth century, there was a belief that women had a special ability to mold charcter traits in young children. You see, since we were not influenced by business and politics, our ideas would not be corrupted by these things either. I am happy to report that women now play a very active role in both business and politics and we still posess the quality to differentiate between those institutions and the behaviors and values that should influence our daily lives and our character. Why then, does the issue of how we discipline our children bring such angst to our lives? After all, discipline is a good thing. It is teaching, it is respect, it is values.

I would venture out and say that discipline is undervalued - just as motherhood often is. A disciplinary parent is seen as a tough mom or dad when they should actually be seen as a very loving parent. When my kids tell me things like, "But her mom doesn't make her wear a seat belt when they just go a few blocks." I have been known to respond with, "I guess I must love you more than her mom loves her." Is this a true statement? Hopefully not. But it sure gets the point across to my kids that I have rules to protect them not to punish them.

This said, it is also worth noting that I am my children's parent, not their best friend. It is not my job to act as their friend. It is my job to guide them, to protect them, to nurture them and, yes, to discipline them. I should be held accountable for all of these things. I should not be blamed when they make poor choices against my wishes.

I've said it before and I'll say it again and again and again, "Remember the three C's: Calm, Caring, Consistent." With these 3 words to guide you through your discipline techniques, it is hard to go wrong.

Quechup Hell

In the past two weeks I have been cavorting naked having Internet problems as well as announcing my candidacy for president of the United States wireless system issues. This week I return and...WHAMMO! I spilled Quechup all over everyone in my email address book. It is my hope that getting this post up right away may act as a stain treater and no one will end up having to throw out their shirt or blouse because of me.

I want to let the entire Internet know if they have received an invitation from me, Devra Renner, to join Quechup it is a bogus invite; Done without my knowledge nor consent. How did this happen? Well, I had received a Quechup invite from someone I knew, and thinking it was a legit operation like Linked In, I accepted the invite. BIG MISTAKE! Had my life been what my husband refers to in his line of work as "Ops Normal" I would have been up to date on reading blogs and would definitely have read what my blogmiga Karen at Vodkarella had to say about Quechup. Dana from The Dana Files also vented about her Quechup experience. Unfortunately, I was caught unawares and my entire address book was commandeered.

Yes there is fine print to read when you sign up, but it could be interpreted a couple of different ways. I interpreted it that Quechup would contact ME and I would be the one determining who from my address book I would then extend an invite. Well, lo and behold, they do it the other way. THEY determine who to invite, and guess what? It's your ENTIRE address book. EVERYONE. So Amazon.com got an invite from me, my kids' teachers, and a shitload of journalists and all of my professional colleagues too. All spammed by me without my knowledge. Lovely!

I thought about sending out a mass email to everyone, but then I read what Dwight had to say and reconsidered. I figured I'd just put this hellish experience up on the blog and hope that anyone who reads this will just tell two friends and so and and so on....
Addendum: According to their website, www.idatecorp.com, their CEO is Mark Finch and can be contacted at mark@idatecorp.com. Glen Finch is the Vice President and can be contacted at glen@idatecorp.com. Feel free to email them and tell em to hold the damn Quechup!
Here is their legal counsel's contact information which I found on their website:
United States General Counsel:
Loeb & Loeb LLP345 Park AvenueNew York, NY 10154-0037Tel: (212) 407-4000
United States Special Counsel
Ronald J. Stauber, Inc.A Law Corporation1880 Century Park EastSuite 300Los Angeles, CA 90067Tel: (310) 556-0080

Introducing Parentopia Props

We signed on with MOTHERS , The National Association of Mothers' Centers, MomsRising as well as whole host of other organizations and professionals to do whatever we can to support a mommy wars cease-fire.

In light of our agreement to support the mommy wars cease-fire, we will be giving shout outs (Props) to media outlets who choose to run stories that deal with the real issues, real emotions of parenting and do not pit parents against each other or create an atmosphere of one-upmanship (one-upmomship).

Today it is the Dallas Morning News getting Parentopia Props:

Mommy Guilt
If your floor is crunchy and you yell sometimes - you're not alone, says ELISKA COUNCE of McKinney

Our next step will be contacting the paper directly . We strongly encourage you to do the same.

Here's the thing many people may not realize about working as a journalist, the day to day work is high stress/low praise and high expectation/low recognition. Essentially it is often a thankless job. ( Gee, kinda like parenting sometimes. We can definitely relate!)

We urge you to follow our lead and recognize those journalists, writers and media outlets who "get it" and use their airtime and/or ink to not only inform the public, but also to serve as a voice of empowerment, empathy and encouragement regarding parenthood.

This will be a regular feature on our blog, so if you know of any media deserving Parentopia Props, email us or leave it in comments.

Not For Teacher

DC Metro Moms Blog has officially launched and I am one of the contributing writers! DC Metro Moms is just what the name sounds like; a group of moms who live in the Washington DC Metro Area. Sister sites of DC Metro Moms are Silicon Valley Moms Blog, Chicago Moms Blog and the soon to be launched New York City Moms Blog. Full-disclosure; I am participating as a labor of love, no money is changing hands. I adore the founders of SV Moms Blog and admire the bloggers who write for them. I am excited to be affliated this pool of incredible talented and marvelous mothers and hope you will go check out DC Metro Moms as well as their sister sites!

The following entry is cross-posted at DC Metro Moms.

Not For Teacher

The first day of school is approaching and I'm feeling at peace with our decision regarding school supplies. We purchased the boxed set of supplies being hawked by the PTO. For years we resisted. Using reasons such as "too expensive" or "shopping for the supplies is a rite of passage" both are true statements and I stand behind them. Integrity isn't my problem, the damn school supply list is. I have grown to hate that list. Yes, I said the "H" word, one of many four letter words, such as "Math",that make me cringe- yet another thing I "H", but I digress...

This year you will not find me here, here, here, here, or- Lord help me- making a midnight run ever again-here desperately looking for this. No more jokes about an Eraser Head remake starring yours truly. Put a fork in me, I am DONE with the School Supply Scavenger Hunt From Hell.

Actually it wasn't the eraser that did me in. It was this, as they say in journalism, The Back Story.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006 was the first day of school. I sent the hundred pounds worth of school supplies with the kids via their backpacks. That afternoon, Son Two gets off the bus with his loaded backpack saying he forgot to give them to his teacher. Understandable. First day of school is hectic. Right.

Tuesday night: Gentle reminder to give the teacher the supplies. Agrees to
remember.

Wednesday morning: gentle reminder. "I know. I will. Okay!" Son Two back to on bus with supplies in backpack.

Wednesday- End o' day, off the bus with the backpack laden with supplies. Son Two responds to my question regarding the giving of the supplies to his teacher, "I didn't want to." and "No one asked me if I wanted to."

That evening: "Son Two you must give your supplies to the teacher today. If you
bring them back home again, we will turn around and go right back to school
and drop them off. First you will have a snack, then we will hit the open road."

Next morning : Strong reminder to drop off supplies. "Okay!"

That afternoon: Off bus with full backpack of supplies, albeit looking a bit more tired than previously. Tells me "They have enough supplies. I don't want to give them supplies. I hate supplies. They are never
getting my supplies!"

I inform him he may have a snack, and then we are going to get in the car,
drive back to the school and drop off the supplies.

Snack is served, car keys are in hand.

Son Two finishes his snack, hears the garage door open and commences crying and lashes out with, "I hate the supplies! My teacher won't be there! You can't drop them off in the room! She doesn't need them! They have enough supplies!"

I tell Son Two he can go get in the car. No, he doesn't want to. (Shocking. I know.)

I scoop up Son Two, put him in the car. "Okay fine, I will go to the school, but
I am not getting out of the car. You bring in the supplies. I hate them!"

I let him know that those are not terms I am going to agree to given I
already did my job of buying the supplies and it is his responsibility to take them to his teacher. They are school supplies, not house supplies. I purchased them to be used at school. (At this point I hate the supplies
too! I've been shopping for the supplies for two weeks! Two weeks of my life I will never ever get back!)

We pull into the parking lot. Son Two refuses to get out of the car. More scooping in my part, more screaming on his. (This feels decidedly different than the tantrums at the grocery store because you can always go to another grocery store if necessary, switching elementary schools far more complicated.)

I deposit Son Two onto the sidewalk in front of the school where he shouts, "I am going to stand in the hall while you go in the room and drop off the stupid supplies!"

Again, no. I take Son Two by the hand. Alright, I take him by both hands while sort of escorting him and dragging him along with minimal damage to both of us. ( Thankfully he remains bi-pedal and it's not as awful as it could have been had he reverted to a quadruped.)

We arrive at the classroom. I pull out the bag of supplies from his backpack and grab a Post It note from
the teacher's desk ,and one of her pens -with the intention of labeling the supplies-only to be accosted by
Son Two,"No! You can't use her supplies! Those belong to my teacher!"

What?!

Now I need to be concerned that not only does he hate his supplies and thinks they are the devil, but we aren't supposed to use the one's already there either? I don't think so!

So I write a note to the teacher, "Here are Son Two's supplies. Sorry for any inconvenience." Son Two won't take this quietly. It is clear he is morally offended, right to his core as he entire time Son Two is screaming at me about supplies like a lunatic.

Thankfully the school was pretty much empty. I know it must
have been quite lovely to watch as this totally out of control child is wailing
about the stupidity and uselessness of school supplies while a grown woman is calmly
guiding him past the Main Office and out of the building. (What kept me calm? The thought of being a MOM dancing my head; MOM= My Own Margarita).

We get to the car and Son Two bursts into even more sobs and yells "They made
us go to gym today! We are supposed to have gym on Mondays and Fridays! Last year we had it on Tuesday and Thursday! Then they taught us all the same things we learned in kindergarten. This is so
boring! I want the supplies back. She doesn't deserve them! She shouldn't get to have them now! I'm not going to give them to my teacher until she teaches me something new! They all promised it would be new and it's not. They lied to me!"

Then it hits me. I know exactly what is going on here. My son is trying to extort his teacher by hoarding the school supplies until she teaches him something new. He is having a visceral response to reviewing material from last year.

Son Two is having the same meltdown Son One had when he began 1st grade. Now I get it. Totally.

We get home and I scoop once again, only this time I lovingly carry my clingy son into the house and cuddle with him on the sofa as I explain to Son Two that during the first few weeks of a new school year, the teacher will repeat a lot of the material from kindergarten as a beginning of the year review and they do it to make sure they still remember what they learned from last year. I told him howI understood how frustrating it is to feel like nothing is new even though it is supposed to be exciting and new to be in 1st grade. I also shared with him Son One felt this way too and it's just the way schools do things to
help everyone get ready for the new year.

It was like a light clicked on. He immediately stopped crying and was back
to his old self.

So this year, I bought the box of school supplies and it will be already in the classroom when he arrives at school. If however, he brings up the issue of supplies again, I am prepared to tell him his
daddy used to dodge enemy fire to drop supplies out of an airplane over various
underdeveloped nations so Son Two should thank his lucky stars he only has to drop
them off at the school in an empty classroom.

I can only hope that if Son Two ever aspires to be a doctor, he can cope with medical supplies.