What Should Wii Do? Video Games and Rule Setting
Recently my 8 year old son invited a friend over to play. The friend noticed we have a Wii and asked his mom if it was okay to play Guitar Hero III. Before I could answer, his mom said, "I don't think so. Unless you only play at level 1." Admittedly this is the first time I had heard there was any issue with Guitar Hero. So I asked the mom about her concern. She informed me that Guitar Hero has songs with "Bad words." Really? I consider myself fairly informed about music and none of the songs had struck me as something I would not listen to if my 8 year old were in the room with me. I had read the Common Sense Media review of the game which indicated the organization recommended ages 11 and up, but the other adult reviews of the game seemed to recommend ages 8 and up. The game is rated "T" for Teen, which I hadn't realized since almost everyone I know who has a Guitar Hero game has children 8 and up. I just didn't look at the box. Lesson learned. But...
Given that the reviewers don't live with our family, when the game arrived at our house(thank you Activision for the sweet hook up!),I picked up the guitar and played. Just like yesterday. I got down on my knees and prayed...Actually I just played the game and realized a couple of things:
1. I really suck at Guitar Hero.
2. The songs didn't offend me.
3. Any songs with questionable lyrics would be more of an issue for my 12 year old who would actually understand them than for my 8 year old who most likely would not be able to put them into context. The 8 year old thinks , and I know because I asked, that "Talk Dirty To Me" means you are "telling someone they have dirt on their face or something like that."
But maybe this other 8 year old is more precocious than mine. Maybe there are other reasons to which I am not privy for this parent's ixnay on the game. Had the parent not expressed her wishes in front of me, I probably would have allowed the kids to play Guitar Hero III, but if her kid isn't allowed, then it's not a big deal for me to respect her wishes. After all, when my son goes to her house, she knows he isn't allowed to be on trampolines and she respects our wishes too. (Note: I do not expect anyone else to enforce our family's rules. Realistically what happens at the homes of others isn't going to be in our control, so my focus is on making sure our kids know our expectations of them when they aren't in our own home. We'll expand on this in a later post this month. It's a hot topic among parents, and a confusing one too.)
This situation brought forth a memory from my own childhood. I was riding in with my mother in our Datsun F-10 station wagon circa 1976. The Rod Stewart song "Tonight's The Night" plays on the radio. I am contentedly singing along only to be interrupted by my mother asking me, "Do you know what the word virgin means?" Huh? What? Word? Virgin? Huh? I remember feeling utterly baffled. Didn't know what the hell she was asking me or even why she was asking it. Probably didn't help much either that I thought she asked me about the word "version" Unfortunately my mother didn't wait for me to answer her question and instead went into a sex ed monologue about "a woman who hasn't had sexual intercourse." Huh? What? Intercourse? Huh?
Moral of the story? Just because your kids are hearing it, doesn't mean they understand it or need to have it explained. This is different than monitoring what your kids are exposed to and knowing what they are listening to. It is really tough to figure out sometimes when our kids need to know more from us or need more information. Instead of assuming kids hear what we hear, ask some questions to determine if the awareness is even there, then WAIT for them to answer. That seems to be a tough part for many parents because just in the asking of the question the anxiety seems to bubble up about because we know we may actually have to engage in a conversation which may not be very easy or comfortable.
Which brings us to another component, which is your offspring may not need an answer immediately. It is a teachable moment in and of itself when you say "I don't know, let me find out." It is absolutely okay to tell your child, "We can talk about this, but I need some time to think about it and get more information." In saying something like this you are A)Letting them know you will address it. B)Letting them know it's preferable to be prepared and knowledgeable than bullshit your way through.
We're also big fans of legalizing and regulating. So with this in mind, I will share with you my own family's Wii Rules. Our kids decided to call the Wii "The Herd." This emerged from their affection for the film Ice Age and the reference in the film to "We're a weird herd." Hey, it makes sense to them, so I figured all the better for them to help develop rules for their own herd.
Wii Harmonii For The Herd
1. The Herd belongs to EVERYONE in our familii. Wii are sharing The Herd.
2. The Herd will bii left alone on wiikday mornings while school is in session.
3. The Herd will not be used prior to 8AM on anii morning. EVER.
4. When wii spend time with The Herd wii will be polite to each other. YELLING, ARGUING, HITTING AND/OR FIGHTING AREN’T ALLOWED.
5. The Herd may be used on school night’s onlii with permission from a parent.
6. The Herd’s controllers will bii treated respectfullii. This means wearing the wristbands and using the controllers gentlii and with care.
7. Anii breaking and/or ignoring of the above rules will result in BANISHMENT from The Herd. Sii a parent for details.
8. The Herd is for FUN!
As kids get older or technology changes the rules also change. But rules need not be onerous to be taken seriously.
Given that the reviewers don't live with our family, when the game arrived at our house(thank you Activision for the sweet hook up!),I picked up the guitar and played. Just like yesterday. I got down on my knees and prayed...Actually I just played the game and realized a couple of things:
1. I really suck at Guitar Hero.
2. The songs didn't offend me.
3. Any songs with questionable lyrics would be more of an issue for my 12 year old who would actually understand them than for my 8 year old who most likely would not be able to put them into context. The 8 year old thinks , and I know because I asked, that "Talk Dirty To Me" means you are "telling someone they have dirt on their face or something like that."
But maybe this other 8 year old is more precocious than mine. Maybe there are other reasons to which I am not privy for this parent's ixnay on the game. Had the parent not expressed her wishes in front of me, I probably would have allowed the kids to play Guitar Hero III, but if her kid isn't allowed, then it's not a big deal for me to respect her wishes. After all, when my son goes to her house, she knows he isn't allowed to be on trampolines and she respects our wishes too. (Note: I do not expect anyone else to enforce our family's rules. Realistically what happens at the homes of others isn't going to be in our control, so my focus is on making sure our kids know our expectations of them when they aren't in our own home. We'll expand on this in a later post this month. It's a hot topic among parents, and a confusing one too.)
This situation brought forth a memory from my own childhood. I was riding in with my mother in our Datsun F-10 station wagon circa 1976. The Rod Stewart song "Tonight's The Night" plays on the radio. I am contentedly singing along only to be interrupted by my mother asking me, "Do you know what the word virgin means?" Huh? What? Word? Virgin? Huh? I remember feeling utterly baffled. Didn't know what the hell she was asking me or even why she was asking it. Probably didn't help much either that I thought she asked me about the word "version" Unfortunately my mother didn't wait for me to answer her question and instead went into a sex ed monologue about "a woman who hasn't had sexual intercourse." Huh? What? Intercourse? Huh?
Moral of the story? Just because your kids are hearing it, doesn't mean they understand it or need to have it explained. This is different than monitoring what your kids are exposed to and knowing what they are listening to. It is really tough to figure out sometimes when our kids need to know more from us or need more information. Instead of assuming kids hear what we hear, ask some questions to determine if the awareness is even there, then WAIT for them to answer. That seems to be a tough part for many parents because just in the asking of the question the anxiety seems to bubble up about because we know we may actually have to engage in a conversation which may not be very easy or comfortable.
Which brings us to another component, which is your offspring may not need an answer immediately. It is a teachable moment in and of itself when you say "I don't know, let me find out." It is absolutely okay to tell your child, "We can talk about this, but I need some time to think about it and get more information." In saying something like this you are A)Letting them know you will address it. B)Letting them know it's preferable to be prepared and knowledgeable than bullshit your way through.
We're also big fans of legalizing and regulating. So with this in mind, I will share with you my own family's Wii Rules. Our kids decided to call the Wii "The Herd." This emerged from their affection for the film Ice Age and the reference in the film to "We're a weird herd." Hey, it makes sense to them, so I figured all the better for them to help develop rules for their own herd.
Wii Harmonii For The Herd
1. The Herd belongs to EVERYONE in our familii. Wii are sharing The Herd.
2. The Herd will bii left alone on wiikday mornings while school is in session.
3. The Herd will not be used prior to 8AM on anii morning. EVER.
4. When wii spend time with The Herd wii will be polite to each other. YELLING, ARGUING, HITTING AND/OR FIGHTING AREN’T ALLOWED.
5. The Herd may be used on school night’s onlii with permission from a parent.
6. The Herd’s controllers will bii treated respectfullii. This means wearing the wristbands and using the controllers gentlii and with care.
7. Anii breaking and/or ignoring of the above rules will result in BANISHMENT from The Herd. Sii a parent for details.
8. The Herd is for FUN!
As kids get older or technology changes the rules also change. But rules need not be onerous to be taken seriously.
Labels: Family Rules, video games, Wii
posted by Devra @ 1:58 PM
7 Comments:
This is reallii a brilliant post. Mii thinks we might need our own Wii rules in the house. (Wii especiallii need a reminder not to jump on the Wii Fit balance board).
I love the rules! I'm tempted to print them up and post them in our home! (well, except for The Herd part since ours isn't called The Herd, but you catch my drift)
Thanks for the laugh re: spellings in the Wii rules! Great rules though and similar to those used in our home.
I also wanted to say that with the music thing, I'm kinda laid-back and let my kids listen to music that probably isn't appropriate, but I know that they aren't listening to the words/story - it's clear from their hilarious little comments. I probably should start paying attention soon, but we'll see!
Totally unrelated to Wii but apropos of what kids understand and when, driving home from Vermont last weekend my 8 yo son asked me how did people catch AIDS.
Guess it is time for the conversation.
Susan,
Yup. One way to begin that conversation could be, "You asked me about how people catch AIDS. I can answer that question and others if you have them. What would you like to know?"
Or let us know how you decided to tackle the question since I know we've got a lot of parents reading our site who'll be interested in that too. Obviously, we'd love to hear about it!
Living in an empty nest, even though both my boys MAKE video games, I don't know much about either Wii or Guitar Hero but those rules rock! I always love to see environments where parents show respect for their kids (at least most of the time.) This is not only sensible, but alsofun and respectful -- as are the ideas about handling larger issues. And the description of virgin, version and the One and Only Rod Stewart -- vintage Devra.
I blogged these rules on my fitness site -- love them!
Post a Comment
<< Home