Extra Extra Read all about.....

First go check out Laurel from Moms Minivan over at PBS Parents this month. She is their featured expert and has a discussion up about family travel. Even if you are only traveling from your house to a little league game, Laurel has some awesome ideas for together time that won't include crying, yelling and whining (not even your own!)

An Op-Ed piece in USA Today discusses what can happen if parents hover over their college students. According to Debra Bruno, parents do their college kids no favor when they aren't able to let go as their offspring spring off to college. While the title of the Op-Ed piece is an obvious grab for a readers attention, Parents Quit Hovering, the body of the piece reflects Ms. Bruno's own perspective of being a recovering helicopter parent herself.

Even if I wasn't quoted in the piece, I'd still be recommending the article to you. Many of our readers have young children, and our research has shown that as kids get older the guilt-o-meter spikes even more for a majority of parents. Consider it fuel for thought and not necessarily a warning that you need to cool your jets just yet.

I'm Not Alone in my Confusion

It would appear from reading this article in Boston Globe Magazine, I am not the only one feeling a bit confused with teens and technology. I like the approach of limited and open monitoring - Devra and I tout the philosophy "legalize, regulate, and everything in moderation" quite a bit when talking about parenting. Why shouldn't it also hold true with the use of technology? Kids need to be given the ability to learn and grow while being kept safe and knowing they are cared about. Of course, there will always be those kids who will attempt to outsmart their parents in every adventure in life but, like I tell my kids, "Been there, done that and probably did it better than you so don't even try to get away with it!"

Text and/or Talk - Good, Bad, Ugly, or Just Plain Confusing?

I must admit, I just don't know anymore. I resisted text messaging for my kids but all their friends had text time instead of talk time so I eventually gave in. I totally agree with my husband, phones are meant for talking on, but I apparently could not convince my kids' friends' families that was the case. I understand the need for social interaction but I clearly remember talking on my home phone with my friends on their home phones (they even had cords attached to them). Of course, we all spent a lot more time at home back then too. And, if we were out, we were usually unable to be hunted down by cell phone, pager, email, IM, Twitter, GPS, or any other device that can find you just about anywhere.

OK, so we now have the convenience of being able to contact who ever stopped at the grocery store and let them know we also need eggs but honestly, is it necessary to call me downstairs in the family room because you are too lazy to walk out of your bedroom and come down to talk with me? Or stranger yet, send me a text message that surely took longer to type than it would have taken to come down the stairs and talk to me! Yes, I do believe technology has made us all a little lazier in that sense. More disturbing though, is the combination of an expectation for instant response and an overwhelming lack of respect.

I realize it's easy to blame both these things on technology alone but the one thing they are both missing is human interaction, and aren't we still responsible for providing that element no matter what the method of communication. I see my own kids displaying both of these distasteful attributes but I can't just keep blaming their phones - not the same phones I count on them having when I am running late to pick them up from somewhere. Not the phones I call when they are at home and I need them to find a piece of paper I left on my desk with the address of where I am trying to get. As difficult as it may be (and it is for me), we need to figure out how to teach our kids the same things about patience and respect we all learned as kids but with the new technology.

For example, just because you have the ability to call your friend at any time of the day or night to ask them what they are going to wear to school or even what the homework assignment is, doesn't mean you should. There are appropriate hours to call people even if you're sure, "they'll have their phone off if they don't feel like talking." (Excuse me, my daughter just sent me a text message.) Is texting really less disruptive than calling? I don't think so. I can ignore a ringing phone as easily as I can ignore an incoming text message or I can turn all my attention to reading as easily as I can to listening. One real problem with texting we have experienced in our home though, is people will definitely text things to a person they would never actually say to them. A great teachable moment of "don't text anything to anyone you wouldn't want to see all over the front page of the newspaper." It's comparable to teaching respect for the feelings of others, right?

OK, one last thing. Has texting made us more sneeky? Think about it. Kids have way more privacy with their friendships than we did because they can wander off and have private conversations on their cell phones, far, far away from us. Now, they can sit in the same room as us and have private text conversations. We all know how incredibly important it is for us to know who our kids are spending time with but it is sure getting harder to keep track of this.

Yes, I am rambling and ranting but I am frustrated. We have all become extremely dependent on the conveniences provided by our hand held technology. Now, it is time to teach our children and ourselves how to use the convenience without abusing all of us in the process. I have learned a few tricks along the way but I would love to hear what some of you are doing to bring patience and respect back into a world that requires neither when you can go for days without having to see those you are in constant contact with.