C'mon people, smile on each other...

Yesterday I went into DC to help MomsRising deliver a non-partisan letter to Governor Palin's office signed by over 25,000 mothers and others. Unfortunately it didn't go as expected. I blogged about the experience over at DC Metro Moms today. Whichever candidate you are pulling the lever for we do need to know where that candidate stands on how they will support family leave and paid sick days. Republicans and Democrats have families and neither is adverse to getting the flu. I think the time has come when we all should stop judging any one individual parent running for office (they are all parents this time around!) and know where each of these candidates stands on carework issues, whether they be issues related to our children, ourselves or someone else.

Our nation is known world wide for how we extend care to other nations. Isn't it a realistic expectation our own government not leave our citizens high and dry and scrambling for daycare, healthcare, eldercare or a few days of vacation?

To YouTube or Not To YouTube? That is the question.

Instead of worrying about what our kids are seeing on YouTube, why not try and watch it with them? It's not all crude, rude and socially unacceptable. There are plenty of wonderful video's to be seen. The key is to know your kid and know yourself. If you watch a video and it gives you an "uh oh" feeling consider the reason. Maybe you're not sure, so in that case you can Google the name of it, sometimes you will come across reviews which may help you make up your mind, ask other parents, ask teachers, any of these may help you determine whether it is something you want your kids to watch.

If you've visited our site, you know we're big supporters of "legalize and regulate," so here are a couple of examples of YouTube videos we are sharing with you...and our kids.

We came across this video over on PBSParents' new blog "Supersisters"



This next video was sent to us by a colleague. Regardless of which candidate you support in the upcoming election we hope you'll take a look and consider what your own child may be thinking about these issues. Maybe it will generate some interesting discussions at your dinner table and beyond.



We live in an age where technology often has us parents beat. Gone are the days when parents got our paws on the latest and greatest first before our kids were even aware it was out there. The tide has turned, more ofen than not we're learning about new technology long after our kids and their cohort have migrated from MySpace to Facebook. What we suggest is to engage your kids as tourguides. Letting them show you around where they like to surf. Along with the possibility of gaining valuable insight into crap their peers are sending to them,you may also learn your kids are doing a far better job of filtering their own content than you ever expected!

Finally! A big name company (HP) gets it...in a good way.

Yesterday a blogmiga forwarded me an Evite she had received inviting Silicon Valley/Bay Area bloggers to a Hewlett-Packard blogging event scheduled in California on September 29th. When I looked at the Evite I saw a couple of things that concerned me:

1. The date of the event. The first night of Rosh Hashanah is September 29th and the event was scheduled to begin at 6:30PM.

2. The contact information for BSM Media* at the bottom of the Evite; The same external consultancy Disney had hired last Spring to coordinate their blogger event which had been scheduled on Passover.

Admittedly I rolled my eyes and heaved a sigh. I knew I wasn't going to contact the external consultant named on the Evite because she wasted my time in April and lied to me. A lot. And no, I did not confuse what she told me with stretching the truth so let's leave it at that and move on...

I googled the name of the HP contact on the Evite in California. I picked up the phone and called. Hoping not to be dismissed with a "Sorry you weren't invited. It's a personal decision everyone invited must make for themselves. If the event was held on {Insert Major Christian Holiday} I just wouldn't attend. You just need to figure out what is best for you. I'm sorry your feelings are hurt. But you know what? There is one Jew coming to the event and that Jew said it was okay." Every time I hear that bullshit response, and I've heard it plenty, I scream in my head, "This is a business function, not a family bar mitzvah. It's not personal, it's professional. Why don't you grow some? Own the scheduling mistake, apologize, postpone the event and move on!" Expecting the worst, but hoping for the best, I left a message expressing my concern about the event scheduled on Rosh Hashanah and ended with my call back number.

Karen Cage from HP returned my call and apologized. The kind of no excuse apology which can only be described with the word genuine. The only kind of apology that actually means something and is worth making. Karen hit one out of the ballpark for herself as well as HP.

We had a very positive conversation. She explained the event had been originally planned for the prior week, but another event would have conflicted so HP had to make new arrangements very quickly. In the haste to reschedule, she hadn't realized the new date is Rosh Hashanah. She also told me Rosh Hashanah wasn't on the calender she was using which contributed to the mistake being made. Certainly I understand both of these things. Calenders aren't perfect, neither are human beings. Mistakes happen.

Karen further explained it was HP, and not the external consultant, who planned this event. Of course it was then my turn to apologize for any incorrect conclusion I had made about their external consultant. (However, I maintain it is a consultant's role, when coordinating an event on the behalf of a client, to double check the date to determine it is indeed clean and clear. So the external consultant isn't off the hook entirely on this one. Why? Because I believe if your company name is on the Evite, then your company is responsible for the mistake. 'nuff said.)

We then moved ahead to the "What now?" Karen said it might be very expensive to postpone or cancel the event but she would bring the suggestion back to the team at HP. I shared with Karen just what I tell myself and my kids, "Some mistakes are expensive. I've made some costly ones myself. We all do." I also shared with Karen a mantra I repeat to myself and my kids, "You can't put a price on integrity and doing the right thing. You just can't." I made the suggestion HP eat the cost and take the only appropriate action; Postpone the event.

However, a flip side could be considered; HP policy. Knowing I don't work at HP, certainly it may be policy the company doesn't acknowledge any holidays when planning functions. After all, our son's preschool in Illinois was holiday free, only acknowledging birthdays. So I said to Karen, "If HP commonly holds business functions on other major religious holidays, and doing so would be consistent with HP policy, then by all means, have at it." I am a big fan of being consistent, both at home and away.

Karen and I concluded our conversation as I shared my hope HP would make a stand in corporate America by postponing the event and in turn sending a powerful message that HP values and respects all of its customers and employees. Not some more than others. Everyone counts. Everyone matters. Equally.

Karen called me back last night. HP chose to postpone the event. Thank you HP for stepping up and making the best decision ever.

Do you know what this really means? Do you? Wait for it...

Now that HP has come to me asking forgiveness, seeking reconciliation and I have granted them atonement, we all have one less sin to worry about on Yom Kippur!

Can I get an, "Amen!"?

*Edited to add: BSM Media is headquartered in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. Fort Lauderdale is in Broward County, Florida. According to the Jewish Data Bank website:

Broward County is estimated to be the 4th largest Jewish community in the United States of America.

Edited to add: In response to a post written on BSM Media's site please note: My statements in this post are factual. I have the proof and I am willing to provide it.

What Should Wii Do? Video Games and Rule Setting

Recently my 8 year old son invited a friend over to play. The friend noticed we have a Wii and asked his mom if it was okay to play Guitar Hero III. Before I could answer, his mom said, "I don't think so. Unless you only play at level 1." Admittedly this is the first time I had heard there was any issue with Guitar Hero. So I asked the mom about her concern. She informed me that Guitar Hero has songs with "Bad words." Really? I consider myself fairly informed about music and none of the songs had struck me as something I would not listen to if my 8 year old were in the room with me. I had read the Common Sense Media review of the game which indicated the organization recommended ages 11 and up, but the other adult reviews of the game seemed to recommend ages 8 and up. The game is rated "T" for Teen, which I hadn't realized since almost everyone I know who has a Guitar Hero game has children 8 and up. I just didn't look at the box. Lesson learned. But...

Given that the reviewers don't live with our family, when the game arrived at our house(thank you Activision for the sweet hook up!),I picked up the guitar and played. Just like yesterday. I got down on my knees and prayed...Actually I just played the game and realized a couple of things:

1. I really suck at Guitar Hero.

2. The songs didn't offend me.

3. Any songs with questionable lyrics would be more of an issue for my 12 year old who would actually understand them than for my 8 year old who most likely would not be able to put them into context. The 8 year old thinks , and I know because I asked, that "Talk Dirty To Me" means you are "telling someone they have dirt on their face or something like that."

But maybe this other 8 year old is more precocious than mine. Maybe there are other reasons to which I am not privy for this parent's ixnay on the game. Had the parent not expressed her wishes in front of me, I probably would have allowed the kids to play Guitar Hero III, but if her kid isn't allowed, then it's not a big deal for me to respect her wishes. After all, when my son goes to her house, she knows he isn't allowed to be on trampolines and she respects our wishes too. (Note: I do not expect anyone else to enforce our family's rules. Realistically what happens at the homes of others isn't going to be in our control, so my focus is on making sure our kids know our expectations of them when they aren't in our own home. We'll expand on this in a later post this month. It's a hot topic among parents, and a confusing one too.)

This situation brought forth a memory from my own childhood. I was riding in with my mother in our Datsun F-10 station wagon circa 1976. The Rod Stewart song "Tonight's The Night" plays on the radio. I am contentedly singing along only to be interrupted by my mother asking me, "Do you know what the word virgin means?" Huh? What? Word? Virgin? Huh? I remember feeling utterly baffled. Didn't know what the hell she was asking me or even why she was asking it. Probably didn't help much either that I thought she asked me about the word "version" Unfortunately my mother didn't wait for me to answer her question and instead went into a sex ed monologue about "a woman who hasn't had sexual intercourse." Huh? What? Intercourse? Huh?

Moral of the story? Just because your kids are hearing it, doesn't mean they understand it or need to have it explained. This is different than monitoring what your kids are exposed to and knowing what they are listening to. It is really tough to figure out sometimes when our kids need to know more from us or need more information. Instead of assuming kids hear what we hear, ask some questions to determine if the awareness is even there, then WAIT for them to answer. That seems to be a tough part for many parents because just in the asking of the question the anxiety seems to bubble up about because we know we may actually have to engage in a conversation which may not be very easy or comfortable.

Which brings us to another component, which is your offspring may not need an answer immediately. It is a teachable moment in and of itself when you say "I don't know, let me find out." It is absolutely okay to tell your child, "We can talk about this, but I need some time to think about it and get more information." In saying something like this you are A)Letting them know you will address it. B)Letting them know it's preferable to be prepared and knowledgeable than bullshit your way through.

We're also big fans of legalizing and regulating. So with this in mind, I will share with you my own family's Wii Rules. Our kids decided to call the Wii "The Herd." This emerged from their affection for the film Ice Age and the reference in the film to "We're a weird herd." Hey, it makes sense to them, so I figured all the better for them to help develop rules for their own herd.

Wii Harmonii For The Herd

1. The Herd belongs to EVERYONE in our familii. Wii are sharing The Herd.

2. The Herd will bii left alone on wiikday mornings while school is in session.

3. The Herd will not be used prior to 8AM on anii morning. EVER.

4. When wii spend time with The Herd wii will be polite to each other. YELLING, ARGUING, HITTING AND/OR FIGHTING AREN’T ALLOWED.

5. The Herd may be used on school night’s onlii with permission from a parent.

6. The Herd’s controllers will bii treated respectfullii. This means wearing the wristbands and using the controllers gentlii and with care.

7. Anii breaking and/or ignoring of the above rules will result in BANISHMENT from The Herd. Sii a parent for details.

8. The Herd is for FUN!

As kids get older or technology changes the rules also change. But rules need not be onerous to be taken seriously.