On Being Facebook Smart

Last December when our son turned thirteen I asked him if he would like to open his very own Facebook account. He told me he wasn't interested. Life went on. A few months later we visited friends who lived in a land far far away Kansas. When we returned from the trip my son told me he would like to take me up on my offer and he wanted to start using Facebook. During our sojourn to the Wild Wild Midwest he had reconnected with his friends and now wished to hang out with them on Facebook. I was cool with it. After all Facebook is way less expensive than airplane tickets to Wichita.

As we sat in front of the computer going through the steps to set up his account, I explained the rules of engagement as they relate to the responsibility of having a Facebook account. We'd already had a discussion about online safety when he first ventured online. When he got a cell phone which included a camera, we had a talk about cell phone photography versus cell phone pornography, much like what SoCal Mom discussed with her daughter.

My rules were simple:

1. You must friend me. Not because I am lonely, if you've noticed I have over 500 of my own friends, you need to friend me if you want to be on Facebook.

2. I must know your password. Granted I will also have to write it down and I promise not to show it to your little brother. but you still need to give it to me. If you change it, you must give me the new one. And again, I will not share that information with your brother.

3. For my part, I promise not to abuse my power. I will not sign into your account without your knowledge. I will not change anything on your wall or profile without discussing it with you first. However, there could be a situation where I need to act quickly, and I reserve the right to do that, again, I will not abuse my power.

4. Believe me, I know your friends will use language I prefer you not use. As long as you know what I expect from you, we're good to go. After all, I had friends in middle school and highschool who wound up behind bars, but did I? No. Make good choices. offline and online.

With teens I tend to lean toward the "less is more" when it comes to words, yet at the same time I make sure I'm packing plenty of information in what I do say. But even so, I knew there would come a time when I might have to step in and provide more guidance. After all, as parents it is difficult, albeit almost impossible, to anticipate every situation and how our child will respond. Thinking Mother brings up an excellent point in her post, when she addresses whether or not children understand the ramification of their actions online. Kids will make mistakes. My son did. It wasn't a very serious one, but it provided a backdrop for an important life lesson.

My son plays soccer and he had been approached by another team's coach. The coach had made the suggestion that my son should try out for that coach's team. My son was very flattered. He was excited to have been asked but at the same time had no plan to take that coach up on his offer. My son is very happy on his current team. But that night my son updated his status to say "I was asked to try out for another travel soccer team."

Within seconds I saw the update and called my son into my office (I work from home, he didn't have to hop the metro). "Hey, do you realize you've got your coach's son as a Facebook friend? What do you think he's going to think when he reads your update?" My son looked at me for a moment, his face flushed and said, "That I'm going to leave the team. Uh oh. I need to fix that!" So I showed him how to delete his status and we had a brief conversation about whether or not he should send a message to the coach's son. In a matter of seconds the decision was removed from him because I received an email from the coach asking "Is your son leaving our team?" My son sent an email to his coach and explained how the misunderstanding had happened, all because of a quickly written Facebook update based upon a situation only my son experienced.

Lesson learned. No need to have knee jerk response and ban him from the Interwebs until he moves out of the house. Instead I let him clean up his own mess, while offering support and consultation as needed.

No lie, it's dififcult for many of us not to swoop in, hit the delete button, the off switch or the mute feature. Need inspiration to keep the brakes on? Check out what AMoore has to offer. Look, parenting is tough in these high tech times, but if you're going to suck in your breath, let me give you a pointer; If you've never used Lamaze, it will come in handy during the teen years. Breathe with me. Heeeee heeeee whoooooo heeeee heeeee whoooooo.

The Family Connections Group is BlogHer’s community journalism project. I am a Contributing Editor for Family Connections/Digital Parenting

Parentopia Prop: Helena Oliviero Atlanta-Journal Constitution

As part of my job as a Contributing Editor at BlogHer.com I write about Digital Parenting. While many parents have ventured into the land of social media and making connections online, the idea of having kids doing the same makes a lot of folks nervous. It doesn't help when we've got a majority of mainstream media focusing on fear mongering and shaming their readership.

Seriously, it is insulting and patently ridiculous. We don't need this in our lives. Parenting presents enough challenges, we need information from our media, not finger wagging and navel gazing.

So when I was interviewed by Helena Oliviero from the Atlanta-Journal Constitution for her piece Parents Balance Freedom, Safety On Facebook I wasn't sure how my quotes would wind up or how the piece would come together. Which isn't at all unusual whenever anyone agrees to be interviewed. Unless you know the reporter personally, it's almost always a crap shoot.

Not to say reporters are the main problem, I don't believe they are, after all their are editors, producers and quite a few others who have their eyes on a pitch or piece before it is approved, put to bed and hits the stands or airwaves. I'm not dumping on journalists, I know many hardworking journos and for the most part they are the ones who want to do their job well, but at the same time, papers are losing money and those holding onto the purse strings are panicking. It's a trickle down effect. And when stories go bad, it is often the journalist who finds themselves on the hot seat and not positioned to thrown an editor or producer under the bus. With the current revolving doors at many of the newspapers and magazines, keeping one's job right now is outweighing quite a bit in my opinion. And understandably so. But last week I had a glimmer of hope that things may be coming back around...

When the AJC article came out last week, I yelped. I did. 'twas a yelp of joy. Finally a piece written in a major newspaper about a touchy topic that did not position parents as inept and offered pertinent and practical information to parents in a positive reporting style!

I'm holding up this piece as a model for others to read and emulate. This is what journalism is meant to do folks, find facts, report em and inform the public. Regardless of whether my quote had made it into this piece, I would still be singing it's praises.

And for this, Helena Oliviero is completely deserving of a Parentopia Prop!

How 'bout a helping of brains with your turkey?

A week or so ago my husband and I joined our younger son at his elementary school for a Thanksgiving lunch in the school cafeteria. We've had two children attend this elementary school and the Thanksgiving lunch is something we've done in years past. Only this year it was different.

As the three of us arrived at our table and sat down one of my son's classmates burst into tears. He was seated next to me, I asked him what was up. "My parents aren't here!" Okay, no problem. "I'll go check and see if they are signed up for the lunch," I told him as I got up and made my way to the sign-in table in the school's foyer.

Arriving at the table I inquired if this particular student's parents, or any other person, had signed up for the lunch. I gave the students name to the woman at the table. "No, they aren't signed up." Okay. No problem. We'll just take him under our wing for the lunch. It'll be fine. I was about to turn from the table, but this woman wasn't done, "To be PC, his parents don't come to things." Huh? I was puzzled. I stared blankly. The woman tried again, "To be PC, his parents aren't the type of people to come to things in the middle of the day." Again I stared at her, turned my gaze to the teacher seated beside her and said "Our family will include him with us and we'll get through it. I'll also let his teacher know he was upset."

I came back to the table and explained to the boy that his parents had not signed up for the lunch and unlike school where each day has the same schedule, grownups may have different things going on every day. Sometimes grownups work far away from home or a meeting pops up. The boy told me his parents professions and I explained that both of those jobs have a great deal of responsibility, but don't have a lot of flexibility to adjust for leaving work in the middle of the day. No one at our table pretended not to notice his parents weren't there, but at the same time no one created an environment of questioning their absence either.

As we ate, we discussed the type of work we do, what his parents do, are we all staying in town or going away for Thanksgiving weekend, and how the hell did I luck out getting a double helping of green beans instead of the mashed potatoes. A side dish everyone agreed could easily be served in the art room for papier-mache projects.

After lunch I hopped in my car and called Aviva. I told her about the experience at the school and how baffled I was regarding the remark that woman had made to me in reference to the classmate's parents. "Why on earth would she preface it with 'To be PC about it...' What was that all about?" Aviva knowingly replied, "Well, you know. His parents might be nocturnal and she didn't want to say it."

I considered this for a moment, "Oh shit. I bet you're right. His parents must be vampires." Aviva continued, "Do you have a lot of undead at your son's school?" I racked my brain trying to think if we did. "No. I think they may be the only ones." I paused. Then it hit me, "OMG! Vampires, of course! Now it makes sense! That poor woman was just trying to figure out a nice way to let me know that boy is adopted or a foster child. I mean, he must be. Otherwise he'd definitely be home-schooled in the evenings."

I wish I had made that connection earlier. There's nothing wrong with being a Vampire. In fact, creatures of the night are really "in" right now. I would have explained I am actually a Zombie, as is my husband, and while we mainly roam the earth at night, we have the option of also walking among the living during daylight hours. Something Vampires just can't do safely. Being Zombies, we're already dead, so it's just a different life (or death) circumstance. Then I could have asked for a helping of brains instead of more beans.

It's not PC to categorize anyone as a monster for missing an event at school-day or night- regardless of the reason. Instead, let's focus on being compassionate when a child says they miss their mummy, daddy or anyone else.

We're all living in an era of trying to be superhuman, we shouldn't be afraid to help each other out when we see the signal is shining. There may come a time when you might have to leap tall buildings in a single bound, miss the Thanksgiving lunch and hope another hero will be on hand to swoop in and save the day.

And with that, my work here is done.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Pictured Laurel Smith and a nameless flightless bird. Photo Credit: Laurel Smith, www.momsminivan.com

Is Shouting the New Spanking? IS IT? WELL?

Update! I will be part of a panel discussion today at 12:30 EST on MSNBC's Dr. Nancy Snyderman Show. As I said on Twitter and Facebook, I am trying not to worry about a wardrobe malfunction. Although MochaMomma urged me to "PLEASE have a wardrobe malfunction, a planned one." Gotta admit, it's tempting. Too bad I don't have extra pasties from BlogHer '06. I hope you'll tune in and send me "Don't say stupid shit on national television" vibes!

The article written by Hilary Stout, For Some Parents Shouting Is The New Spanking appeared in the New York Times Styles section today and Aviva is quoted. Our post with more on the story, plus response to over 300 questions, concerns and observations found in the article's comments,will be up sometime over the weekend.

Oh, and don't think for a minute that it escaped our attention both photos included in the piece are of mothers yelling at their kids. Sure our book is called "Mommy Guilt" but this doesn't mean we support the notion mothers should just sit back,take the heat and wind up sticking our collective head in the oven whenever we admit we're experiencing tough times in the Parent-hood. We all know Dads yell too. And no doubt there are fathers who feel guilty about it. Parenting is not about perfection. Learning to be a more effective parent isn't the same thing as learning to be skilled glass blower. Glass doesn't have an ability to talk back, challenge, or call you "the meanest parent in the world." We're not parenting inanimate objects and we're human too.

(and on a separate note, this is the first time I have ever written a post, hit "spell check" and got a "No misspellings found" message. It's monumental. It is.)

To quote my grandmother: "What has gotten into these people?"

Last week my son's elementary school principal sent home a note to all of the parents informing us the president's speech to children will be shown in a couple of days. The note stated it was being sent home in response to several parental inquiries regarding the showing of President Obama's speech to school children in Arlington. It included information for parents who may wish to request an "Opt Out" for their child. The note shared that an alternate activity would be offered to those children who would not be watching the president's speech. I heard my grandmother's voice in my head, "What has gotten into these people?"

Indeed. Something is seriously amiss.

I remember in 1981 my mother was a delegate to the White House Conference On Aging. She brought me along with her and while she was spending her day caucusing and attending sessions, I was checking out the museums on the mall and coming back in time to meet her in the hotel ballroom for lunch and dinner. One afternoon I showed up for lunch and there was an airport-style metal detector set up outside of the door to the ballroom. I sauntered through it and made my way into the ballroom for lunch totally oblivious to the man in the suit chasing me and yelling, "Miss! You can't go in there!" We didn't have the Secret Service routinely running around New Haven. I wasn't used to this sort of thing. So when I realized some big guy was running after me, I got scared and put my tush down in the first open chair I could find. It happened to be the table chock full of delegates from Ohio.

When the Secret Service caught up to me at the table, I was instructed, "Young lady, you will have to leave. The president will be speaking to the delegates and the delegates only. No guests. I am going to have to escort you out of the ballroom right now." Next thing I knew, I hear voices of dissent saying things like, "You are going to deny a child the opportunity of hearing her president speak?" and "Sir, what you are doing is un-American. All Americans have the right to hear their president address his citizens." and finally, "You stay right there dear, don't move. This man isn't taking you anywhere without a fight!" Seeing that he was outnumbered, the agent made a hasty retreat. Advantage goes to the octogenarians from Ohio!

Was Reagan the candidate my family supported during the election? Oh hell no. However he took the oath of office and became our nation's president. When my mother saw me sitting with my new Mid-Western friends at lunch, she did not haul me out of the room telling me, "Devra, we did not vote for this man, so you won't be hearing him. Here's 5 dollars, go get yourself a Happy Meal." She waved to me and pointed to where she would be sitting so I could find her later.

And there I sat, listening to a president I did not agree with politically yet understood that because he took that oath of office to be OUR president,the Office of the President should be respected. I was taught by my parents to do that regardless of any political affliliation I might have personally. It wasn't all about me, it was all about protocol. But it was the last line of President Reagan's speech which explained why the Ohio delegates went up against the Secret Service to secure my seat at the speech.


"We have much to offer, a great deal to offer. Let our children and our children's children one day say of us, the world that they live in is better because we were here before them."

My Ohio defenders were making sure I got my history lesson; The actions of those who came before me impact me now. Those who will come after me will be impacted by what I do at this present time.

Pithy lesson for a 14 year old but I still remember it over two decades later and at the risk of sounding like I am writing a middle school essay about the experience, I do believe that experience impacted me as a person as well as a parent. (Although this realization came much later).In 1981 I was merely a rebellious teen who, in my mind, was making fun of the president's shellacked hair and was blown away that a group of "old folks" were even more badass than I was.

So why on earth an "opt out" now for children to hear the president speak? What lesson does it teach our children? If we don't agree with a person we pretend that person doesn't exist. How disrespectful. This is the President of the United States of America. Why do we give the Sally Foster fundraising presentation more respect than the POTUS? I haven't been sent home an "opt out" for that craptastic waste of time held during school hours.

I suppose it could be argued parental involvement in education means parents should be able to preview the president's speech before it is shown to our children. Okay, but are parents reviewing every textbook and lesson plan the teacher is presenting to our children? Are we requiring invited guests for a school-wide assembly meet with concerned parents prior to performing or presenting to the student body? How about we don't let our kids check out school library books before we read the volumes ourselves? Do you have time for any of that? What if it were required of parents that we do all of that for every child we sent to school? Ridiculous, right?

Sadly we are living in a society where ridiculous currently rules. Kanye West at the VMA's? Ridiculous. Serena Williams at the US Open? Ridiculous. Joe Wilson on the Congressional floor? Ridiculous.

Again I hear my grandmother's voice asking, "What's gotten into these people?" We all know that question is meant as a rhetorical way to bring attention to a problem someone sees but may not be able to do anything about personally.

How about we change what we hear just a little? Ask a question in our own mind so the answer holds us personally accountable for our decisions and our actions? After all, parents are the primary role models for our children. It's important we be able to identify if we are in fact being ridiculous. Surely there is a question we can propose as a candidate to keep our own choices in check.

I nominate,"What's gotten into me?" Got another you want to nominate? I'll be happy to listen to whatever you have to say...regardless of whether I agree with it or not.

Come visit us at Draft Day Suit, Rocky Mountain Moms Blog and "Real Parents. Real Solutions"Radio

Aviva is discussing how it is actually possible to teach understanding of religion in public schools without teaching religion in public schools.

Devra sons faulted Serena Williams for her temper tantrum at the US Open.

Mark your Calendar: Wednesday September 16 at 1:00PM EST Devra and Aviva will both be guests on the Voice America Internet radio program "Real Parents. Real Solutions" with host Toni Schutta discussing "Lose The Mommy Guilt For A Happier You." The format is an hour long call-in program. We hope you'll listen live and call in with your comments and questions. The program will be available for download, so even if you aren't available when it is live, you won't miss out on the action entirely!

Got Mommy Guilt? Let's chat LIVE! TONIGHT! 9PM EST!

Come join us over at The Motherhood tonight at 9PM EST! We are thrilled to have been invited by Emily and Cooper to facilitate the down and dirty about being a mom and what role guilt plays in the parenting experience.

Got guilt? Bring it with you!
Don't feel guilty? We're not going to guilt you into feeling it.

This is a conversation not a lecture, so we're counting on you to interact, share your stories and or just hang out. We'll answer questions, we'll talk about whatever it is you want to talk about. Nothing is off limits, nothing is too serious or too outrageous. Whatever is on your mind, we'll tackle together.

So come on over to The Motherhood tonight, we'll be there waiting for you!

Go! Mom (and Dad) Go!

The Jon & Kate Effect

Years ago when I had my first job as a clinical social worker, my supervisor asked me to facilitate a "Divorce Recovery Group" for elementary school students. I flat out told him, "I am happy to faciliate a "Dealing With Divorce" group, but a "Divorce Recovery" group is out of the question. Children do not recover from divorce, they aren't able to go on to another relationship in quite the same way as adults. In fact, they can't. Their parents will always be their parents." I remember he kind of stared at me. Then I said, "Look, parents don't divorce, husbands and wives do. It's not the parent relationship that is breaking apart, it is the marriage." Then the light bulb illuminated and he got it. So "Dealing With Divorce" was put on the schedule.

My own parents divorced when I was 4 and when they did, they told me they both loved me very much but the two of them were not happy. Wasn't a shocker, I knew. When the main communication between two people is yelling, it's sort of obvious. I've always respected my parents for uniting together as parents to tell me they were splitting up as husband and wife. I strongly believe in doing so the take-away I got as a kid was "It's not your fault. It's not a kid thing, it's an adult thing. You are loved, we will take care of you together even if we live apart." And they stuck to that for the most part. Of course there were times when they would argue about visitation or child support, goes with the territory and I'm not going to minimize that fact at all. Very few divorces have precious little bunnies as a mascot. Fortunately the aftermath of my parents' divorce was not devastating to me. I'm very fortunate.

When a couple falls in love it's like the rest of the world falls away and there are only two people making goo-goo eyes at each other and planning their future. No doubt we all have stories of either being in love and neglecting our friends/family or having the experience of being set to the side by a friend who now only spends 24/7 thinking and being with their soon-to-be other half. As wonderful as being in love is, it is also a somewhat selfish period for many people. Usually once the relationship is established and a resolution of how/if it will continue has been made, the couple's world reopens and suddenly they look up and realized "Oh wow. We've got other people in our life." And with that, they may have some fences to mend and often those whom have been woefully neglected understand and respond "Will attend" when the wedding invitation appears in their mailbox.

In my opinion splitting in many ways mimics being in love. Only it's akin to the photo negative of it. I think this is why adults who are divorcing often lose sight of what's going on with their children during the break up. It's not because they don't care or are ignoring the kids, but in most situations the falling in love and getting married happened before the kids came along, so the break-up of that marriage sort of sends the couple back to a time when they didn't have to consider the effect of their relationship on anyone else. I mean, how many of us really watch a couple falling in love and wonder, "What's going to happen to me?" But in divorce, that question is continually present in the minds of most people who are within the circle of a family experiencing a divorce. Especially the kids.

So now we've got Jon & Kate on TV. On the one hand it gives us all a birds eye view on what it looks like when a marriage ends. On the other hand their children will eventually be old enough to see re-runs, if they haven't already seen some of this already. Is it a PR stunt? I hope not. Will this husband and wife actually divorce? I don't know. Will there be reconciliation? I suppose anything is possible. What won't change is the effect this public airing of a private decision will have on their own kids, and also ours. And it doesn't have to be all "bad".

The good that comes out of it is it opens the door to have conversations about divorce. If it's not happening in our own family, statistics definitely support our kids have friends who are dealing with it. While there is a lot written about the importance of having a support system for adults going through a divorce, I haven't seen as much emphasis written about how we can help children support other children who are dealing with divorce.

If kids have questions, especially if they hear adults talking. Answer them truthfully but you don't have to dig up the Guidelines for Child Support and go over them. Here are some ideas of how you can help your kids if you know one of their friends or family members is divorcing. Feel free to add your own in the comments:

1. It's enough to answer, "Will my friend have to move away?" with something along the lines of, "As far as I know, your friend will still live in the same house, but there is a possibility they could move to a smaller one or an apartment. Sometimes that happens. But living in the car? Probably not."

2. Talk about divorce. This is an excellent opportunity to discuss a tough topic under the umbrella of what you want your kids to learn from you, your faith community or your own life experience. Kids do wonder why mom or dad has a stepmother or stepfather, so this is also a way of introducing the idea of what a blended family is to your kids.

3. If your own marriage is in a rocky place, or even if you've just been disagreeing recently, don't be too surprised if your child connects the dots and asks if you are going to divorce. You might want to prepare yourself a bit so that question doesn't throw you completely. More than anything children want to know what will happen to THEM, not YOU. So try to focus on giving them assurances they will be loved, provided for.

4. Keep trash talk contained if the kids are close by. I used to have a supervisor who referred to it as " Remember you are standing in a corn field and there are small ears growing everywhere." Not only will this prevent the airing of your personal opinions on the school playground it will also serve to keep your child in a neutral zone, keeping them out of the war zone which may be going on in the adult world.

5. Be open about the increased need to be a compassionate friend and that can't be understated. On the inside, children are intuitive creatures, even if they may not always demonstrate it on the outside. Kids are really like horses, they sense things. Definitely mention their friend might be going through a bunch of emotions; grumpy, impatient, easily distracted, clingy, sad, tearful, etc. Let kids know these feelings can change from day to day and even minute to minute and to cut their friend some slack and give them some extra wiggle room to be a bit more moody for a while.

6. While the above is helpful for being a friend, keep in mind your child doesn't have to become an emotional doormat for anyone else either. Give your child a couple of empowering, yet sympathetic, phrases they can use if they are feeling somewhat overwhelmed by a friend's demands for attention or need to lash out at someone else, even if unintentional. Phrases like:

I'm your friend. Please be nice to me.- simple statement. Probably says it all.
Even if we aren't getting along right now, I'm your friend. - better for an older kid.
I think it's time for me to go home. -no need to elaborate as to why.

Divorce isn't easy. Certainly Jon & Kate's kids are in for a tough time. Their parents may not be as emotionally available to them, so there is need for others to be compassionate, even in the blogosphere and especially in the media outlets. The married couple divorcing has chosen to live it out, at least until now, on TV but this doesn't mean a legacy should be left for their children which includes googling their television show and happening upon all sorts of terrible things written about their parents, or even themselves. Yes these folks are famous, but it was no more the choice of these children to have this drama played out in the public eye as it was for these kids to choose who their parents would wind up marrying.

I think as parents this public break up of a marriage serves to remind all of us,that regardless of how famous this family has become or what measurement stick we use, the impact of two grown-ups divorcing isn't all that different than if they had never been on TV at all. To Gosselin's children-who never made any of the arrangements; be it the signing of a TV contract or the signing of a marriage license-this isn't reality TV...it's reality.

"No, we can't buy that right now!" or maybe we could wait a bit longer.

Spring Break and family travels are taking a hit this year because, well, the economy sucks right now. There are far more of us taking staycations or looking for ways to save money if we do decide to pack up and go. With the depth of the economic madness, it's no doubt parents are now placed in a position of changing the way money is spent. Who amongst us hasn't had to turn down a child's request for a new toy or refuse an impusle purchase at the grocery store? Sure, we're used to that kind of thing. But what if you have provide a "No!" to something you've usually met with a "Yes!"? Awkward!

Generally speaking, household finances usually do not spill over onto the playground, but we're living in pretty tough times right now. If your family isn't feeling it, I can bet you know someone who is. And I can also bet your kids are far more aware than you may realize. Kids aren't subscribing in droves so they can read what is written in the Wall Street Journal, but they are seeing the writing on the wall. Such as they aren't being invited to as many birthday parties or their exracurricular activities have been put on the economic chopping block. So how as parents are we supplying our children with economic information when the situation demands it while making sure we're not freaking our kids out by giving them adult financial statements?

1. Try not to mingle more into the conversation than what your child may be asking. If you aren't sure what their question is, ask them to explain it.

2. Prepare them for trips to the store by writing a list and explaining that until the economy improves, you'll won't be going "off list" while shopping.

3. If you are a family who uses "Wish Lists" for birthdays and holidays, consider explaining to your child that the Wish List is being used more often than before, so stuff they may want, needs to go on a new Wish List. As you save more money, you will consider what is on their wish list.

4. Watch how you approach a "need" or a "want." If you only have the resources to deal with "needs" than try to sit down with your kids and have a talk about the difference between "want" and "need."

5. Combine resources with other families or relatives. Maybe someone you know lives in a city you haven't visited and vice versa. See if they are open to swapping homes for a long weekend. Check with your local chamber of commerce, they may have a list of local discounts for businesses in your community.

6. This may be the perfect time to start a savings account for your child and WITH your child. Just like kids will eat better if they help select and prepare the meal, kids understand more about money if they are the ones who have to manage it.

7. If you dont' have the extra cash to open an account, you can role play saving and spending with items you have around your house. Or take your child to visit a bank or a mint.

8. While we live in a society which expect instant gratification, let your kids know you are also waiting on items you routinely used to buy. Maybe you aren't buying a new pair of sneakers when usually you buy a new pair every 6 months. Let your kids know your spending has also undergone some changes too.

9. Be honest, but don't overdo it. It's one thing to say "We don't have 25 extra dollars right now for a video game" and quite another to say "Your soccer team is very expensive and so I can't pay for anything extra. Don't ask me for a video game on top of what I'm already doing!"

10. Given this crappy economy, businesses themselves don't have the dollars to advertise like they used to, so there may be unadvertised specials just for the asking. So ask!

Here is a sampling of what can be found coast to coast for Spring Break and beyond:

How about hitting The City with your family? A New York Funcation.

Last weekend of Spring break finding you in Colorado? Spring Break in Breckinridge, CO.

Enjoy a three ring circus where you aren't the ringmaster. Ringling Bros is offering a family of 4 discount package if you go to ticketmaster and type in the code MOM.

Want to escape somewhere with your family? Consider Cape Cod.

Live and do things free in LA.

Got a favorite family excursion you've done on the cheap? What about your own childhood? Do you remember a particular family adventure you had that didn't cost a lot of money?

It's two,two, two posts in one: Loser Moms and Rookie Moms

Sarah and I have decided enough is enough and we're going to take turns kicking each other in the ass so we get on a healthier track. Sarah admits she eats too much and the consumption of da beer only adds to the extra pounds she feels she is packing. For me, being left handed and somewhat dyslexic has made aerobic classes an exercise in frustration. Given I have almost no equilibrium whatsoever, any kind of unsupervised work-outs could result in a lot of "I've fallen and can't get up" type situations for me. So, this is where Vionna Jones comes in to the picture.

Vionna is a personal trainer who will be working with Sarah and Me. Our agreement is she will work with us, and we will chronicle our experiences and progress. We encourage anyone who would like to kick our collective ass, to stop by our collective blog, Loser Moms. Because as anyone knows, it's going to take the entire Internet to get Sarah to put down the beer and get me to use my elliptical.

This isn't vanity people, this is for our health. Look, our hips don't lie and neither does our BMI. So now, we're taking the plunge and doing something about it. Maybe you've been putting off the idea of taking care of yourself. Maybe it's not extra pounds that are bothering you, maybe you've stopped reading for pleasure, maybe you've stopped hanging out with other adults.

Maybe you just need some more ideas to get you out of that parent trap we fall into when we only focus on one aspect of who we are. It's not tantamount to child neglect to decide you want to keep your pre-parent interests or develop new post-parent ones. As a social worker, I can tell you I have NEVER read a report from child protection investigating parents for hiring a responsible babysitter and going to a matinee of an Indy Film with French subtitles. Nor have I read a substantiated report of child abuse because a parent chose to make bedtime an hour early freeing up some time to read a book other than Goodnight Moon.

Maybe you need some ideas for combining parenthood and adulthood. This is a perfect opportunity for me to give some love to a new book written by our blogmigas, Rookie Moms. Aviva and I have spoken of Rookie Moms on our blog, and now the gals have a book we are very excited to recommend and endorse; The Rookie Moms Handbook: 250 Activities to do with (and without) your baby.

This book isn't laden with popsicle stick crafts you and your infant can do together, this book includes activities that focus on the many facets that make up who we are as people. The book grabbed my attention because of the inclusiveness it promotes among those facets. One which resonated with me in particular is parents can benefit from continuing to hang out with their non-parent friends. I totally agree.

It's very common for people to stop seeing their non-parent friends after they have kids. I think one of the main reasons is we become parent-centric in many ways, which isn't unexpected nor unnatural, but it does make it difficult for some parents to figure out how to relate to friends who aren't parents. Non-parent friends may become bored with babytalk, which is also not unexpected nor unnatural. But while we may miss our friends, we may be too sleep deprived to think clearly about how to make a bridge that doesn't include anyone lifting up their arms, singing and walking around in circles. But help is here...

What I especially love is one idea in this book which suggests parents focus on finding a common interest with their non-parent friends, in this case it is watching movies together. The book then gives a brief paragraph on how exactly to make that movie night happen.

And while the book is being marketed with new parents in mind, I found ideas in it which are absolutely applicable to seasoned parents too.

The book is also perfect for reading in stops and starts, kind of like how I've been exercising...until recently. ;)