And now a word from our sponsor....

Strange things happen when you become a grown up. You do some of the same things you did as a kid, only differently. Like now I drag my children to the grocery store, just like my mother did when I was a child. Certain traditions, moments of parental horror, chagrin or amusement, travel down from generation to generation. I think grocery stores are very special places where parents across the ages have shared many "moments" with their children. My family is no exception. We have some we truly treasure.

Moments like this one:

"Please get off the floor now! I'm not buying (insert crappy junk food of your choice) because I've already purchased enough (insert crappy junk food of your choice). Screaming at the top of your lungs isn't going to persuade me to do buy anything else. Wait, I take that back. Where is the margarita mix, I need that now."

Because I have told my children we buy certain foods "occasionally," this moment was born:

"Mom, can I get a Lunchable? Do we have an occasion for it?" which then resulted in another shopper who stared at me hard as if to say silently, "I'm waiting to hear what kind of occasion your family celebrates with Lunchables."

So what is the post actually about? An endorsement. A sponsorship. Whatever you want to call it, I'm calling it full disclosure. Everybody eats, so it's not a stretch for me to agree to endorse a grocery store chain, particularly if it is one I actually grew up going to as a kid and had been using prior to any endorsement/sponsorship agreement. People have seen me shopping at Giant. I have been invited to events by Giant. So nothing of consequence changes at Parentopia due this new business relationship. Actually, if you must know, Giant Food and I have a personal relationship too, one which even predates this blog.

I was keeping it a secret. Until now...

When my family moved to Connecticut, Stop & Shop is the grocery store my mother dragged me to as a kid. Fortunately for her, I had outgrown the tantrum phase by then, as I was already in 4th grade. So mainly when I accompanied her to the grocery store I did so as a prepubescent smartass whose main concern was getting back home so I could three-way-call with my friends. I did not outgrow the smartassery, it merely intensified with age. Case in point, an annual party I hosted at my house during 3 of my four years of highschool aptly named, "The Pseudo-Shakespearean Pancake Day Party & Scavenger Hunt."

The origin of this annual event, was inspired by shared appreciation of my highschool English teacher, Ms. Lorraine Drazba(AKA Drazbawoman), my Drama teacher Julian Schlusberg and my then boyfriend's(now husband) home town celebration of "Elbert Colorado Pancake Day."

What this meant is that for 3 years running the scavenger list included:

Obtain an autograph from a manager at Stop & Shop. You must ask for his/her autograph and insist you are a really big fan of their produce department. ( I changed it up to read "aisle 5" and then" the pharmacy" for the following 2 years.)

Fast forward through college, grad school, a wedding, two children, 20 years (and counting)of military family life and we're now living in Northern Virginia. I had no idea Stop & Shop had a sibling nearby named Giant Food. I didn't realize the two stores were related until I met Laura Tomasetti from 360 Public Relations at an event in DC. Giant is a client of theirs and she explained the shared history of Giant Food and Stop & Shop, while I kept mum about my own history with Stop & Shop. After all, there really does need to be an appropriate time and a place for 'fessing up to driving a grocery store manager insane year after year. Right?

The time has come. All is now revealed. If you see me tweeting about Giant, there will be a hashtag accompanying those tweets, #GiantFood. If I tell you about a partnership Giant has with the American Institute of Cancer Research, it's because I personally attended the launch of that program in DC last month. If you see me shopping at Giant, it's because we're out of toilet paper.

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

Motherhood Is A Gas

I'm very happy to be recognized as a "Go To expert on arm farts." After all, I'm the same "expert" who uses Saturday Night Live as a parenting tool. And I also laugh at my own mistakes when it comes to my parenting on a fairly regular basis.

But even I, laid back about many many things, am a stickler when it comes to decorum and manners. While I am okay with arm farts, I am not okay with them at the library. I may use Saturday Night Live as a parenting tool, but I dont' allow my children to watch SNL without me right there, and truth be told, we don't even watch it"live"; All hail the DVR!

But this post isn't about how technology has changed our TV habits. It's more about something that happened way back in 2005; Aviva and I wrote a book which encouraged moms decrease the guilt and increase the enjoyment of parenting. At that time, we felt the hyper vigilant parenting needed to come to a halt. Anywhere we went (and still we do this) we attempted to absolve parental angst. Gave permission to parents not to worry so much. Urged parents to give their kids, and themselves, more freedom. We screamed "NO!" to anyone who thought the car adapter for a crockpot sounded like a good idea. We yelled, "YES!" to a parent who told us, "I'm going to let my child walk three blocks to school and I'll use that time to exercise or get to work on time." No secret, we had an agenda. And now it seems like our plan for world domination, or just being more relaxed parents, may be coming to fruition.

A week or so ago Lisa Belkin wrote a piece for the New York Times Magazine titled "The End of Over Parenting" Aviva's mother mailed it to Aviva with a note;"You girls started this!"* I don't know if we can make the claim of being groundbreakers, but I believe we can definitely document we've been steadily advocating parents aren't perfect, we don't have to be superhuman and our kids will not suffer if they have to play outside with only their imaginations. We can also stake claim that in 2005 we were mistaken for Judith Warner. A lot.

Now in 2009? I'm the Go To expert for arm farts. Suck it, Judy! (J/K)

Aviva and I are happy the momentum for parents to enjoy parenting and listen to each other's experiences continues to flow to other books and that spirit continues to rise up in different incarnations. The whole reason we wrote our book waybackwhen was to bring attention to what mothers ,and their families, were experiencing in real life, in their words, along with a few this and thats added by us.

If Aviva's mom is right, and we helped by getting the party started, we should keep the party going. Dare I say it? I do. Let's party hardy! Yes, I just used a term from the 80's(and for my next trick I'm going to write "You're a great kid, see you next summer!" all over my next blog post).

So we invite you to party with us.

Here is our Parentopia Party List:

Momfidence

Free Range Kids

The White Trash Mom Handbook

Mommy Confidence

The Ghost In The House

Sleep Is For the Weak

Mojo Mom

You're A Good Mom (And Your Kids Aren't So Bad Either)

Practically Perfect In Every Way

Who else needs to be on this list? Because like any party, there is always The One name which escapes your mind and doesn't get put on the invite list. The One where you slap your forehead with the accompanying "Oh shit. I totally forgot!" And after you think of that name? You think of at least three more!


*Aviva's mother will always refer to Aviva and me as "The Girls" or "You Girls." How can she not when she's known Aviva all of her life and me all of my life minus 7 years? Aviva and I have been friends since 1st grade. And if you've never read our story, here it is.

If you were to pick just one New Year Resolution for yourself, what would it be?

How about this one?

"I resolve to remember there isn't one single human being who was ever born as an adult."

Not sold on it yet?

Consider some ways it could change the coming year and beyond:

• It may reduce your anxiety about being in public with your kids.


• It may increase your tolerance when you encounter meltdowns.


• It may mean you offer help to others or accept help yourself.


• It may give you a mantra when you percieve others to be overly critical.

These are just a few. There are definitely more. The possibilities are endless.

Happy New Year!

Parentopia Suggestions to Destress The Stress of The Holiday Season

This is the time of year when lots of people look around and suddenly realize what is commonly known as The Holiday Season is suddenly upon them. Causing some parents to panic, worry and even ask themselves, as Devra is doing here;

"What the focaccia am I going to do differently this year so I feel less stressed?"

Right now magazines,ezines and tv programming focus upon the holiday season, but not just any old aspect of it, they go right for the jugular; stress. It's almost as overwhelming to be bombarded with stress reduction techniques as reading the holiday gift guides published everywhere you turn.

Simultaneously we're being encouraged to do for others as well as making sure we're not leaving our own mental health in the dust. If we weren't all so damn busy shopping, cooking, getting blasted by holiday music and doing whatever else is involved with the holiday season, we'd probably go insane, but wait, aren't those magazine articles supposed to stop us from doing just that?

Let's break it down into something a little more practical. Here are a few things we've come across that might help you cope with whatever it is you are dealing with, be it observing a holiday or trying to just do your thing, whatever that thing may be.

When Jennie-O offered to send us frozen turkey boobs for us to try, we agreed to try them, only because:

A. We remembered this company has a sense of humor. See for yourself:


B.Figured if the turkey worked as promised, we could recommend it for families looking for a way to have a low stress meal over the holidays or whenevah.

After preparing em and eating em, we're putting our stamp of approval on em. Maybe it's not what you would serve for that New England style Thanksgiving your relatives demand, or you feel compelled to serve despite our best effort to absolve you of being the Guilty Gourmet. And if in these tough economic times you find you're having a staycation? This is one time when your feeling like you want to give everyone the bird would not only be appropriate, but tasty.

Aviva's 13 year old daughter came home from school, got the turkey breast out of the freezer, popped it into the oven. Then she prepared a bag-o-salad and tossed steam-in-the bag green beans into the microwave and gave em some radar love. That was dinner for the entire family and provided leftovers for turkey sandwiches the next day. Devra's husband referred to the stuff as "Man Bird" take whatever you want from it, but essentially he liked it and found it easy for him to prepare and serve. Not that men aren't equipped to prepare food, they definitely are. We're in no way suggesting any father is doing something unusual or out of his element by cooking for his family. In fact Devra's husband prepared most of the meals when Devra was in grad school and Devra's dad is quite the gourmand. Aviva's husband will be the first to tell anyone who questions his cuisine, "There's no such thing as too much cheese."

We feel an important component of finding Parentopia is having as many people involved with meal preparation, serving and cleaning up as possible. And with this current economy, we're finding more people are eating at home. So why not make it fun? Put on music, burn a CD with song choices from every family member. Blast it in the kitchen as you work and dance like fools! Count it as cardio, use it as laugh therapy, show your kids how much (or little) rhythm ya got!

Keep this easy going attitude going throughout the year, but why not kick it off right now if the holiday prep is stressing you out? If people offer to help, let them. Decide to only prepare the foods you enjoy making and know it's perfectly okay to pick and choose which components of a meal you will prepare from scratch and which you'll delegating to another dinner guest or even the local grocery store.

Not too long ago Devra attended a media event where a grocery store chain's consumer advisor offered up suggestions for making holiday meal prep easier.

One of the first things Andrea mentioned from her holiday checklist was "Delegate, Delegate, Delegate!" One of the last things anyone needs to serve up for the holiday meal is more stress.

We hope you enjoy the beginning of this season with a renewed confidence to make small changes which will have a big impact for you and your family.

Happy Thanksgiving from Devra and Aviva!

Are we recommending Being Dad as a way to anticipate parenting angst? Do dads even have the angst?

Yes and Yes. No Doubt. Aviva and I were sent preview copies of the film "Being Dad" a while back and while I Tweeted my recommendation, Aviva and I believe the movie worthy of being recommended on our site too. We loved the film! We actually told the folks who sent it our way we would love to be able to hop into a time machine, go back to the beginning of humanity and deliver this film to all men who would someday become fathers. We would sit down with them and watch it together. Of course, this would also necessitate we bring this dad, this dad and these guys with us so we could appropriately set up the first real Man Cave of the future.

Being Dad was was released to the public last month, and we really hope families everywhere will consider putting it on their holiday wish list or think about giving it to the fathers in their lives whenever the opportunity presents itself.

I'd even go so far as to encourage parents to watch the DVD even if you've already had your baby. What I liked about this film is it makes it undeniably obvious men have something to do with creating kids. Dads in this film experience parental angst and are talking about it! Aviva and I have always maintained fathers aren't "helping" mothers with parenting, they ARE parenting.

I'm planning to watch the DVD with my teenage son. Yes, really. Why? Because I think every teenager should sit through a movie about childbirth. I actually think it is a deterrent to having unprotected sex. At least it was for me. I still remember when my husband and I were expecting our first child. We sat in our Prenatal class and watched the birth film. I turned to my husband and silently questioned how I could reverse pregnancy,"Holy shit. What exactly did we get ourselves mixed up in here?" I thought about my social work supervisor who warned me about how even a planned pregnancy shook her up."Look, there I was 9 months pregnant. When one day I stopped in my tracks and thought 'My God, this baby will have to eventually come out some how.'"Because until you see and hear what is going to happen, you can just deny it all you want, evidently even in the 9th month.

Trust me, it's not just teens who freak out about being pregnant, get scared and need to know what's going to happen. This film does an excellent job of preparing parents for what they may think or feel and offers a wonderful foundation from which to build a conversation about what kind of parents you want to be or already are.