Homework Hell? Here's some homework help! A must read if your kids have ADHD. Seriously.
Please give a hearty Parentopia welcome to Tracy Thompson, a friend, a colleague and an incredibly kick-ass writer. Tracy is a former Washington Post reporter and the author of two emotionally riveting and empowering books I have read and highly recommend. She is currently working on her third book and despite the fact I can't stand historical books, I'll read hers because she'll make it readable. She could write a shopping list, I would beg to read it, use it and then recommend it to everyone I met at the grocery store... She's. Just.That.Good.
In addition to being a Pulitzer prize nominated journalist, Tracy is the mother of two and a wife of one. She writes about her own personal trinity over at her blog Maternally Challenged. You can also follow her on Twitter. I was talking to Tracy recently and she was telling me about how homework was no longer a living hell in her household. I encouraged her to write a guest post for us and share her family's newly implemented plan for happier homework habits. Put your hands together for your friend,and mine, Tracy Thompson!
We have a two-ADHD-kid household here, so life can get interesting. Kid #1 is going on 13 and is doing great these days; she has inherited her dad’s work ethic and over the past two years has taken a great leap forward in finding ways to compensate for her organizational issues. The eight-year-old isn’t there yet. Also, unlike her big sister, the eight-year-old has the physical hyperactivity component of this particular neurological condition, which means that getting her to sit still long enough to do anything—eat a meal, tie her shoes, do her homework—is like playing Whack-A-Mole. Last year was a horror, and this year started out to be just as bad. Homework was taking three hours a night, and it involved a lot of screaming, slamming of doors, thundering ultimatums and general tension. It was turning me into a harpy, my husband into a nag, the older daughter into a basket of nerves and the kid herself into a surly, unhappy little person. And then, thanks to a combination of perseverance, good advice from a great teacher and some expertise from a therapist, we finally came up with a strategy for homework that (dare I say it) actually works.
No two ADHD kids are the same, so just read what I describe here and figure out what might apply to you. But keep an open mind; there are parts of this strategy I began by thinking were kind of silly, like the Homework Box, but which proved to be a crucial part of the big picture. You have to remember that if you personally don’t have executive functioning issues, you will never really understand what it’s like to cope with them.
So, here it is. Bear in mind, this is for a third grader.
1. We banished specialized folders for different subjects. Kids love them—it gives them a chance to collect various Spiderman or cute kitten designs—but having more than one of something is a recipe for disorganization. Instead, the kid gets one color-coded accordion file for all her papers and assignments. The very front part is reserved for whatever is in transit--worksheets, teacher notices, permission slips, whatever. Everything else--study sheets, special assignments, long-term projects--is filed by subject. This way, there's ONE thing she knows must go back and forth every day.
2. Because books were constantly being misplaced, she gets multiple copies of some crucial books. Two, which are used for weekend homework, came home. Another set she keeps in a particular classroom at school. Between that and that wonderful new thing called “online access to textbooks,” she never gets to say, "I can't do my homework because I forgot my book."
3. After I located the teacher’s website, I bookmarked it. The kid has an easy way to check on what her assignments are if she forgets to write them down (which she does, regularly). Obviously, this requires a teacher who will keep a website up to date, and computer access at home.
4. At the end of the school day, the teacher doublechecks to make SURE the kid has everything she needs to take home. Ditto at the beginning of the day, to make sure she drops her completed homework into the homework box by the door. At home, the parent checks the backpack when it walks in the door, and again after homework is done, to make sure all materials are where they need to be.
5. We established a Homework Box. It stays on top of the refrigerator when not in use. In it are everything the kid needs: pencils, paper, colored pencils, glue stick, scissors, the extra books from school, cushy little pencil holders, erasers. This eliminates running around to find stuff, which is helpful because what would be an insignificant interruption to other people is, to ADHD kids, a massive derailment of their train of thought.
6. Homework is put off until after dinner. This goes against the grain for many folks, who think kids should do homework first and play later—but ADHD kids desperately need time to run around or just veg out.
7. Homework lasts for one hour, period. Whatever doesn't get done in that hour just doesn’t get done. The parent jots a note to the teacher explaining whether the kid was goofing off, or whether the kid spent that hour really working hard and just didn't get to something. At home, the consequence for goofing off is forfeiture of TV/computer/Nintendo for the next 24 hours. At school, consequences are up to the teacher, who can, in his/her discretion, just write it off, or figure out a way to assign make-up work.
The beauty of this system is that it teaches kids skills like prioritizing, and helps them begin to learn their own ways of focusing. It also eliminates those horrendous three-hour-long dogfights between kids and parents—which, in our house, were enough to send me to the Xanax bottle every night. Even on bad nights, anything is bearable for one hour. Finally, it gives the kid responsibility and imposes consequences, but does not penalize him/her for having ADHD in the first place.
I won’t lie; if you use this system, you will find that not every single piece of homework will get done. But you know what? The important homework will get done. And your kid will be learning important habits that will stand him/her in good stead later on, when homework really starts to count a lot more than it does in third grade.
We have a two-ADHD-kid household here, so life can get interesting. Kid #1 is going on 13 and is doing great these days; she has inherited her dad’s work ethic and over the past two years has taken a great leap forward in finding ways to compensate for her organizational issues. The eight-year-old isn’t there yet. Also, unlike her big sister, the eight-year-old has the physical hyperactivity component of this particular neurological condition, which means that getting her to sit still long enough to do anything—eat a meal, tie her shoes, do her homework—is like playing Whack-A-Mole. Last year was a horror, and this year started out to be just as bad. Homework was taking three hours a night, and it involved a lot of screaming, slamming of doors, thundering ultimatums and general tension. It was turning me into a harpy, my husband into a nag, the older daughter into a basket of nerves and the kid herself into a surly, unhappy little person. And then, thanks to a combination of perseverance, good advice from a great teacher and some expertise from a therapist, we finally came up with a strategy for homework that (dare I say it) actually works.
No two ADHD kids are the same, so just read what I describe here and figure out what might apply to you. But keep an open mind; there are parts of this strategy I began by thinking were kind of silly, like the Homework Box, but which proved to be a crucial part of the big picture. You have to remember that if you personally don’t have executive functioning issues, you will never really understand what it’s like to cope with them.
So, here it is. Bear in mind, this is for a third grader.
1. We banished specialized folders for different subjects. Kids love them—it gives them a chance to collect various Spiderman or cute kitten designs—but having more than one of something is a recipe for disorganization. Instead, the kid gets one color-coded accordion file for all her papers and assignments. The very front part is reserved for whatever is in transit--worksheets, teacher notices, permission slips, whatever. Everything else--study sheets, special assignments, long-term projects--is filed by subject. This way, there's ONE thing she knows must go back and forth every day.
2. Because books were constantly being misplaced, she gets multiple copies of some crucial books. Two, which are used for weekend homework, came home. Another set she keeps in a particular classroom at school. Between that and that wonderful new thing called “online access to textbooks,” she never gets to say, "I can't do my homework because I forgot my book."
3. After I located the teacher’s website, I bookmarked it. The kid has an easy way to check on what her assignments are if she forgets to write them down (which she does, regularly). Obviously, this requires a teacher who will keep a website up to date, and computer access at home.
4. At the end of the school day, the teacher doublechecks to make SURE the kid has everything she needs to take home. Ditto at the beginning of the day, to make sure she drops her completed homework into the homework box by the door. At home, the parent checks the backpack when it walks in the door, and again after homework is done, to make sure all materials are where they need to be.
5. We established a Homework Box. It stays on top of the refrigerator when not in use. In it are everything the kid needs: pencils, paper, colored pencils, glue stick, scissors, the extra books from school, cushy little pencil holders, erasers. This eliminates running around to find stuff, which is helpful because what would be an insignificant interruption to other people is, to ADHD kids, a massive derailment of their train of thought.
6. Homework is put off until after dinner. This goes against the grain for many folks, who think kids should do homework first and play later—but ADHD kids desperately need time to run around or just veg out.
7. Homework lasts for one hour, period. Whatever doesn't get done in that hour just doesn’t get done. The parent jots a note to the teacher explaining whether the kid was goofing off, or whether the kid spent that hour really working hard and just didn't get to something. At home, the consequence for goofing off is forfeiture of TV/computer/Nintendo for the next 24 hours. At school, consequences are up to the teacher, who can, in his/her discretion, just write it off, or figure out a way to assign make-up work.
The beauty of this system is that it teaches kids skills like prioritizing, and helps them begin to learn their own ways of focusing. It also eliminates those horrendous three-hour-long dogfights between kids and parents—which, in our house, were enough to send me to the Xanax bottle every night. Even on bad nights, anything is bearable for one hour. Finally, it gives the kid responsibility and imposes consequences, but does not penalize him/her for having ADHD in the first place.
I won’t lie; if you use this system, you will find that not every single piece of homework will get done. But you know what? The important homework will get done. And your kid will be learning important habits that will stand him/her in good stead later on, when homework really starts to count a lot more than it does in third grade.
Labels: ADHD, Guest Post, Maternally Challenged, Parenting Expertise, parenting technique, Tracy Thompson
posted by Devra @ 11:46 AM
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