Recently Aviva was interviewed for this piece, written by Amy Hatch, over at ParentDish and the comments are and interesting read. Some took the word “tricks” in the title literally, as opposed to “tricks” meaning tips and then went off on it. Others commented they feel children have it too easy these days. They describe children as miscreants who aren’t held accountable to help at home while parents are serving as doormats for their overly entitled offspring. The amount of anger in some of the comments was disturbing to say the least. But is it true? Are parents letting our kids off easy when it comes to helping out around the ole homestead? Instead of trying to sweep everyone’s parenthood under the same generalization, let’s focus on ways you might try to encourage everyone to straighten up around the house, backbones included.

1. Define the word “Clean.” Too often we encounter frustrated parents who lament “My kid never cleans up his room.” and yet, when you ask the kid what’s going on, the kid says, “I did clean up my room.” The issue isn’t that the room is dirty, the problem is the parent and child aren’t on the same page as to what it means to have a clean room. Is clean all clothes put away in drawers or is clean that the bed is made or both? Be specific.

2. Pay or Play Whether you choose to pay your child to help around the house or not is up to you. There are reasonable arguments for doing so, such as teaching them how to handle money, and there are reasonable arguments against which center on the idea helping at home is what is expected when you are a member of a family. Whether you choose one or the other, pay or play is a commodity which can be traded, bartered or removed. Let your child know exactly what the consequence will be for skipping out on a task. i.e. Docking of allowance, friends don’t come over as planned, etc.

3. Write it down Our lives are busy these days. It is fairly easy to forget who is supposed to be doing what and whether any of it got done. Many elementary school kids are given an agenda book for homework. There is no law that states you can’t write in what their household responsibilities are for that week too. If your kid can write down their own homework assignments then they can also write down their own home work assignments. If your child doesn’t have to keep a calender for school, add one to your home in a central location or print one out on the computer and everyone gets a copy.

4. Be positive This doesn’t mean you have to blow sunshine up anyone’s ass to get them to do what needs to be done. Don’t confuse being positive with being passive. While “chore” is a word that has been used for decades, maybe one of the reasons kids hate doing “chores” is the word itself is a turn off. Experiment with different labels and see if you get a different response-Task, help, responsibility, all can substitute for “chore.” But whatever you choose to call it, make sure you tell your kids you noticed the task has been completed and smile. Kids are hardwired to please their parents, let your kids know when they’ve hit that target with you.

5. Keep it real by asking yourself some questions. Try to think back on what motivated you as a kid. Did it work? Did it backfire? Why? How are your kids the same or different? Is one of your kids motivated by pay while the other play?

6. No bribing. Don’t allow extortion either. In the real world you get arrested for that crap. Helping at home is a requirement when living at home. Yes, it’s that simple.

7. Get a whistle Instead of yelling for your kids to clean up, blow a whistle. Gets their attention without a voice having to be raised. Hell, it works for coaches on the teams, why not have it work at home too!

8. Stick to the plan Now that terms have been defined and consequences are clear, be consistent. Again, if you have to write it all down, do it. It’s hard for a kid to deny the writing on the wall, especially if it is actually written down on a piece of paper and affixed to the wall.