The Jewish High Holidays (or the Hi-Ho’s as our rabbi in Wichita put it) came up fast upon Aviva and me.  See, this is the challenge with holidays that follow a lunar calendar, one year they are in one month, the next year in another.  And if you don’t  pay attention, you can get caught off guard on the dates. This year was especially rough because Rosh Hashanah hit two days after school had begun for my kids, which also meant two days after I began a long-term substitute social worker position at a local high school.   To say things are chaotic around here would be the understatement of 5771!

For those who are not M.O.T.‘s so to speak, the New Year is welcomed on January 1, but for the Jews, we welcome a new year somewhere around the September/October time frame. However, even if I were not Jewish, it would seem strange to me to begin a new year in what feels akin to mid-year. Because really, other than the New Year, what else begins in January?  When I went to check out January 1 in years gone by, HGTV was conducting their Dream Home Giveaway and the city of Seattle had banned styrofoam.  Surely both represent new beginnings and fresh starts for so many of us.  No? Not you? Really?!

For me the fall has always been a series of new beginnings, the start of a new school year, the beginning of football season, the end of summer and the beginning of autumn, leaves begin to turn new colors (if you happen to live in an area with that season), the fiscal year starts up and Saturday Night Live is once again LIVE. The fiscal year has commenced, as have many new jobs.

Autumn, to me, just feels like a clean slate, a time to try new things.

Our rabbi here in Northern Virginia gave a sermon last week on rituals. While I’m not going to get even more Jewy on you, than I already have, what I will say is the point of his talk happened to be whatever ritual we do, we should do it while engaged in the meaning of what we are doing–being mindful of what the ritual means.

Many of us go through The Motions because:

We believe it’s what we’re supposed to do,

or

It’s what our parents did,

or

We think  others expect us to do it like that

What we forget is these rituals don’t have to be identical to that of anyone else.  Tweaking them for what works for our family is perfectly okay.   We can switch the way we carry out a ritual depending upon the amount of time we have available and make adjustments for the income we bring in. Where is it written the ritual must always be the same?  Certainly the first person who performed the ritual had to start from scratch. Get it out of your head doing things differently has an expiration date or must be practiced in a time honored tradition.  Own your own tradition!

Isn’t a ritual even more meaningful if we are considering what it is we are actually doing?

For instance, who said a “family dinner” needs to be at dinner time? If you know your family can really only muster “family snack” or even “family lunch” then do it.  Certainly catching up with one another daily is important, and a priority,  but if dinner together has become stressful due to other factors like work schedules, homework, etc, then try to find another time to spend together as a family. And just do it as many times as you are able. There will be some weeks it’s easier than others, and that’s okay. Just think about what you are doing and why you are doing it. Be mindful. Be present. Communicate with one another about  the why you are doing as you do it it.

Which brings me to the next point, are you able? Let’s keep with the dinner theme.  Take a look at what all of you are doing in your family.  Are they “needs” or “wants?”  If it’s a need, then there may be no choice but to schedule around it. No one expects anyone to quit their job in order to get to the dinner table by 6:00 every evening.  But “Wants” aren’t always negotiable either.  Lots of experts will tell you “Wants” are luxuries, things we don’t really need. However, I would argue “wants” are often run neck and neck with “needs.” “Wants” provide us with emotional income which is often just as integral to our lives as financial income. Consider your family “wants” by having everyone tell you what they want, what they really really want.  Singing it like the Spice Girls is optional.

As you contemplate figuring out how to fulfill “wants” and “needs”-your own, your family’s- Woody Allen pops into my head.  (Let me just say, the pre-weirdo Woody Allen). It’s the scene from Hannah and Her Sisters where Woody Allen’s character Mickey is visiting his parents and begins to lament about the meaning of life and why things happen the way they do. Mickey’s father  bellows back at him,  ”How the hell do I know why there were Nazis? I don’t know how a can opener works!” Sometimes we get lost in the largess of our lives, and it helps to bring things back to manageable pieces we can then either work around, fit together, hand over to someone else or even throw away. But in order to do any of that, we need to be mindful of what we are doing and why we are doing it.

So as our families go into a new year for us, Aviva and I  hope you experience a new beginning too. Maybe one where you become more mindful of the rituals in your life and what doing them means to you and your family.  You don’t have to wait until January 1 to make a change, because if January 1st means nothing to you, doesn’t symbolize a new beginning, then why go through the motions of observing it as a new year?

Make a new beginning whenever you want. The fall is as good a time as January 1st.  There is no deadline on doing things differently. So whether you just Jew It or Just Do It, we hope you think up something new to begin.  And to borrow from a classic… maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon.

By the way, if you are wondering about the photo, it’s the chocolate chip challah I made for the new year.  It’s tradition to make a round challah for Rosh Hashanah and often raisins are added to the bread to represent that there should be sweetness in the coming year.  I do make a round challah for the new year, but  I use chocolate chips instead of raisins. Tradition says “RAISINS!” I say semi-sweet chips represent both aspects of a new year, some bitter with the sweet.  And I hate cooked raisins and so do my kids.  Mindful ritual put into practice.