DC Metro Moms Blog has officially launched and I am one of the contributing writers! DC Metro Moms is just what the name sounds like; a group of moms who live in the Washington DC Metro Area. Sister sites of DC Metro Moms are Silicon Valley Moms Blog, Chicago Moms Blog and the soon to be launched New York City Moms Blog. Full-disclosure; I am participating as a labor of love, no money is changing hands. I adore the founders of SV Moms Blog and admire the bloggers who write for them. I am excited to be affliated this pool of incredible talented and marvelous mothers and hope you will go check out DC Metro Moms as well as their sister sites!

The following entry is cross-posted at DC Metro Moms.

Not For Teacher

The first day of school is approaching and I’m feeling at peace with our decision regarding school supplies. We purchased the boxed set of supplies being hawked by the PTO. For years we resisted. Using reasons such as “too expensive” or “shopping for the supplies is a rite of passage” both are true statements and I stand behind them. Integrity isn’t my problem, the damn school supply list is. I have grown to hate that list. Yes, I said the “H” word, one of many four letter words, such as “Math”,that make me cringe- yet another thing I “H”, but I digress…

This year you will not find me here, here, here, here, or- Lord help me- making a midnight run ever again-here desperately looking for this. No more jokes about an Eraser Head remake starring yours truly. Put a fork in me, I am DONE with the School Supply Scavenger Hunt From Hell.

Actually it wasn’t the eraser that did me in. It was this, as they say in journalism, The Back Story.

Tuesday, September 5, 2006 was the first day of school. I sent the hundred pounds worth of school supplies with the kids via their backpacks. That afternoon, Son Two gets off the bus with his loaded backpack saying he forgot to give them to his teacher. Understandable. First day of school is hectic. Right.

Tuesday night: Gentle reminder to give the teacher the supplies. Agrees to
remember.

Wednesday morning: gentle reminder. “I know. I will. Okay!” Son Two back to on bus with supplies in backpack.

Wednesday- End o’ day, off the bus with the backpack laden with supplies. Son Two responds to my question regarding the giving of the supplies to his teacher, “I didn’t want to.” and “No one asked me if I wanted to.”

That evening: “Son Two you must give your supplies to the teacher today. If you
bring them back home again, we will turn around and go right back to school
and drop them off. First you will have a snack, then we will hit the open road.”

Next morning : Strong reminder to drop off supplies. “Okay!”

That afternoon: Off bus with full backpack of supplies, albeit looking a bit more tired than previously. Tells me “They have enough supplies. I don’t want to give them supplies. I hate supplies. They are never
getting my supplies!”

I inform him he may have a snack, and then we are going to get in the car,
drive back to the school and drop off the supplies.

Snack is served, car keys are in hand.

Son Two finishes his snack, hears the garage door open and commences crying and lashes out with, “I hate the supplies! My teacher won’t be there! You can’t drop them off in the room! She doesn’t need them! They have enough supplies!”

I tell Son Two he can go get in the car. No, he doesn’t want to. (Shocking. I know.)

I scoop up Son Two, put him in the car. “Okay fine, I will go to the school, but
I am not getting out of the car. You bring in the supplies. I hate them!”

I let him know that those are not terms I am going to agree to given I
already did my job of buying the supplies and it is his responsibility to take them to his teacher. They are school supplies, not house supplies. I purchased them to be used at school. (At this point I hate the supplies
too! I’ve been shopping for the supplies for two weeks! Two weeks of my life I will never ever get back!)

We pull into the parking lot. Son Two refuses to get out of the car. More scooping in my part, more screaming on his. (This feels decidedly different than the tantrums at the grocery store because you can always go to another grocery store if necessary, switching elementary schools far more complicated.)

I deposit Son Two onto the sidewalk in front of the school where he shouts, “I am going to stand in the hall while you go in the room and drop off the stupid supplies!”

Again, no. I take Son Two by the hand. Alright, I take him by both hands while sort of escorting him and dragging him along with minimal damage to both of us. ( Thankfully he remains bi-pedal and it’s not as awful as it could have been had he reverted to a quadruped.)

We arrive at the classroom. I pull out the bag of supplies from his backpack and grab a Post It note from
the teacher’s desk ,and one of her pens -with the intention of labeling the supplies-only to be accosted by
Son Two,”No! You can’t use her supplies! Those belong to my teacher!”

What?!

Now I need to be concerned that not only does he hate his supplies and thinks they are the devil, but we aren’t supposed to use the one’s already there either? I don’t think so!

So I write a note to the teacher, “Here are Son Two’s supplies. Sorry for any inconvenience.” Son Two won’t take this quietly. It is clear he is morally offended, right to his core as he entire time Son Two is screaming at me about supplies like a lunatic.

Thankfully the school was pretty much empty. I know it must
have been quite lovely to watch as this totally out of control child is wailing
about the stupidity and uselessness of school supplies while a grown woman is calmly
guiding him past the Main Office and out of the building. (What kept me calm? The thought of being a MOM dancing my head; MOM= My Own Margarita).

We get to the car and Son Two bursts into even more sobs and yells “They made
us go to gym today! We are supposed to have gym on Mondays and Fridays! Last year we had it on Tuesday and Thursday! Then they taught us all the same things we learned in kindergarten. This is so
boring! I want the supplies back. She doesn’t deserve them! She shouldn’t get to have them now! I’m not going to give them to my teacher until she teaches me something new! They all promised it would be new and it’s not. They lied to me!”

Then it hits me. I know exactly what is going on here. My son is trying to extort his teacher by hoarding the school supplies until she teaches him something new. He is ha
ving a visceral response to reviewing material from last year.

Son Two is having the same meltdown Son One had when he began 1st grade. Now I get it. Totally.

We get home and I scoop once again, only this time I lovingly carry my clingy son into the house and cuddle with him on the sofa as I explain to Son Two that during the first few weeks of a new school year, the teacher will repeat a lot of the material from kindergarten as a beginning of the year review and they do it to make sure they still remember what they learned from last year. I told him howI understood how frustrating it is to feel like nothing is new even though it is supposed to be exciting and new to be in 1st grade. I also shared with him Son One felt this way too and it’s just the way schools do things to
help everyone get ready for the new year.

It was like a light clicked on. He immediately stopped crying and was back
to his old self.

So this year, I bought the box of school supplies and it will be already in the classroom when he arrives at school. If however, he brings up the issue of supplies again, I am prepared to tell him his
daddy used to dodge enemy fire to drop supplies out of an airplane over various
underdeveloped nations so Son Two should thank his lucky stars he only has to drop
them off at the school in an empty classroom.

I can only hope that if Son Two ever aspires to be a doctor, he can cope with medical supplies.